Now You Can Buy Ridiculous Shirts From Me(In Addition to Ridic Books)

I have a store on RedBubble!  I call myself Xanaduriffic, which is an ancient word meaning "feminist, geeky merchandise with a bookish flair--also features cats."

There are tees, totes, phone and tablet skins, stickers, mugs (for coffee or wine--dual purpose!), and lots o' other crap, too. Yay! Check 'em out here:  http://www.redbubble.com/people/xanaduriffic/portfolio.

Growin’ up Florida Style

Original picture here.

Ocala is my home town, and this picture going around is amazing.

You’d definitely see gators when you went to the national forest, or swimming in lakes.  If you were water skiing and the boat stopped, first thing you’d do is look around for floating “logs.”

I had a girlfriend when I was in middle school who had a house up on the water.  One weekend, I spent the night there, and we set up sleeping bags on their enclosed porch. The porch was 20-30 feet from the water.

Her dad came out and said, “Now girls, make sure you don’t leave the porch–the gators will come right up to the house.  Good night!”

Yup.  Nothing to worry about there.

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Dinner of Bieber Edition Featuring Frank Talaber

Welcome to author Frank Talaber, here to answer my inane questions!

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

Well, the cats. That's if they feel like a war, as long as it doesn't intrude on their main snooze times and it was obviously on their terms.

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

Both have great and unusual last names. I'd go with Humperdinck. With a name like that, he must have been a hit at parties.

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

Flying dragon. Could zip to all those great places I've wanted to see, like the Pyramids of Giza and when you get there don't have to worry about parking. Because everyone would clear out in a heartbeat or he'd incinerate them.

4. Are aliens among us? 

You need to ask, have you not seen any Walmartians? They can't be human. Can they?

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them?

Bridges of Pluto-ian County. Only one can cross at a time.

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet?

Fill a spaceship with his adoring admirers and tell him they want to take him to a world where he is worshiped as a god. And once he's gone, tell him sorry, the translation wasn't correct. It was eaten as a God.

* * *

Raven's Lament 

"The first time I saw you, was the second time I loved you," wrote Brook Grant in his diary. One problem, the reporter investigates the cutting down of the Golden Spruce only to find out that the legend is true. The ancient native prince trapped inside has been released and so has Raven. Yes, apparently, The Raven. 

So when a native God steals away your heart and soul, how do you get her back? Well, you hire a shaman who is more whacked than a hockey player's slap shot and nuttier than a squirrel's winter stash. 

"Yeah, this is going to work, I'll get my lady back and we'll live happily ever after," Brook added to his diary after banging his head several times.

http://about.me/ftalaber 

http://www.bookswelove.net/authors/talaber-frank/ 

http://www.readwave.com/frank.talaber/stories/ 

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8092362.Frank_Talaber

http://www.cyclamensandswords.com/frank_talaber_aug_2012.php 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Frank-Talaber/805296946204873 

https://museituppublishing.com/bookstore/index.php/museitup/fantasy/urban-fantasy/shamans-lure-detail

Stupid Questions with Lucy:the Other Humperdinck Edition Featuring Adriana Kraft

Please welcome author Adriana Kraft, a lovely person who wants to help people with her theoretical magic powers.  She's going to answer my stupid questions and even be nice to the Biebs!

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

I’m going with cats, no matter how you parse the combatants. Cats are smarter, quicker, more lithe, and can leap and hang on for the kill (not that I want to kill a bear, either). Of course the cats are likely to be shifters, and we never said what size or species of cat, so anything can happen. 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

Tough one. Can’t wait to see Cumberbatch’s new movie, The Imitation Game. Tragic story, I’d like to hope we’re beyond that but I’m not so sure. However I’m going to have to go with my nerd heritage here – not the current Engelbert Humperdinck, but the German composer of the same name (1854-1927), who penned the opera Hansel and Gretel. Yup, that’s my diagnosis, and I’m stickin’ to it. 

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

That didn’t take even a nanosecond – a dragon. They’re magic. Our youngest son (who also had a role in Hansel and Gretel, see?) loved them and devoured all the books we could find about them, so I’m steeped in dragon lore. My pet dragon, of course, would be kind and generous in addition to magical – there’s nowhere I couldn’t fly, no downtrodden people we couldn’t save together, nothing we couldn’t conquer. 

4. Are aliens among us? 

Of course. We are made of the dust of stars – so even we, at some level, are part alien. How could there not be? 

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

Not gonna bite on this one. Off the planet is certain death, or banishment at the very least, and no human deserves that (and no, I don’t think he’s an alien, even if he’s pretty alien to me). 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be? 

This is going to sound pretty mundane, but it would be some kind of healing power. I’m all about believing in people, helping them reach inside and find their inner spark, empowerment. I have no idea how this would work, exactly, but that’s what it would be.

* * *

Detour Ahead (Riders Up, Book Four) by Adriana Kraft

Threatened race horses, city slicker attorney, sexy California wrangler—what can possibly go wrong?

Hot-shot Chicago prosecuting attorney Traci Steele works tirelessly keeping rapists off the street to prevent other women from suffering the hell she’s endured, so she resists her friends’ insistence that she take a two month R&R in their California Live Oak condo—until they persuade her to help their rancher friend as a private investigator. 

Though he runs the stables at Live Oak, well-muscled mustached wrangler Scott McCord much prefers working with the race horses he trains at his ranch, and he can’t believe his old friends have sent a greenhorn female to help him with horse troubles. 

The improbable dance between this mismatched pair barely fits in around the escalating suspense of whoever’s after Scott’s horses. Traci is as tenacious in her sleuthing as she is terrified about her inability to ever love a man. Can Scott succeed in gentling her - like he does his horses - before she flees in panic?

Purchase on Amazon here!

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Rocket Up His Butt Edition Featuring Kelly Janicello

​

Hello and happy Thursday!  Welcome author Kelly Janicello, who has the single best answer to one of my stupid questions of all time.  Read on...

 

 

 

 

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

 

Cats definitely. They are stealthy, quick and are 9-1 on bears. 

 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

 

Benedict Cumberbatch because Kat Attalla likes him. 

 

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

 

My Maltese Jack would be extremely jealous but Gizmo from Gremlins. He is fluffy, cute and will fit in my purse 

 

4. Are aliens among us? 

 

Yes. The man I am seeing is too perfect so therefore he must be an alien. 

 

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them?

 

The Cum From Outer Space.

 

[Editorial note:  It was all I could do not to call this blog "The Cum From Outer Space Edition." BEST. ANSWER. EVER.  Perhaps even...IT CUM FROM OUTER SPACE.]

 

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

 

By chauffeuring him to a launch pad at Cape Canaveral and put a rocket up his butt.

 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be?

 

Teleportation.

 

* * *

 

 

 

ROSES ARE RED by Kelly Janicello

 

Jain Ryan moved to New York City to pursue a career on Broadway. What she didn't figure was falling for and under the watchful eye of NYPD Detective Marcus O'Boyle, her brother's best friend. When Jain scores the role as an understudy for the lead in a Broadway revival, one kiss alters their relationship. 

 

Marcus O'Boyle had always been a surrogate big brother to Jain Ryan. When evidence suggests Jain might somehow be involved with the acts of a serial killer targeting Broadway actresses, Marcus is caught between duty and desire for his best friends baby sister. 

 

Will Marcus discover who is behind the murders before the killer targets Jain? Or will he be too late to save the love of his life when a psychopath inflicts his final revenge. 

 

Available on Amazon

 

Kelly Janicello is the alter ego of a staid corporate worker. After years of writing for her own pleasure, she finally joined the ranks of other men and women privileged to call themselves authors. Kelly and her dog live in the Lower Hudson Valley of New York. When Kelly is not writing she is spending her time with family and friends, cheering for her beloved NY Rangers, and inventing the perfect man in her head. Kelly loves to hear from readers. 

 

Website:  www.kellyjanicello.com 

Twitter:  @kellyjan2 

FB:  Kelly Janicello

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Out-of-Control Hairdo Edition Featuring Connie Vines

Hallo, blog friends!  Author Connie Vines is here to char herself on my hot seat (ahem)!

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

 

Since neither species inhabits the same global real estate, let’s assume the Siberian Tiger vs Polar Bear war began at a local zoo, or animal park due to a major social faux pas. 

 

The vanity factor: 

 

The Siberian tiger is reddish-rusty or rusty-yellow in color, with narrow black transverse stripes for as camouflage and hunt by stealth. They lie in wait and creep close enough to attack their victims with a quick spring and a fatal pounce. Tigers are the largest of all wild cats and are renowned for their power and strength. 

 

Polar bears typically have thick white fur, which can range from white to creamy yellow in the summer. A thick undercoat prevents water from penetration, and webbed forepaws can measure up to 16 cm in diameter; acting as paddles for swimming and snowshoes for walking on land or on thin ice. Compared to other bears, the polar bear's head is streamlined. It has a longer snout for warming cold air on inhalation and for trying to catch ringed seals that are slipping down breathing holes. 

 

Canine size: equal. 

 

Siberian Tiger: Agile, fast, kills by crushing the jugular. The tiger's sense of hearing is the most acute all its senses. Size: Male Siberian tigers body length 4.5’ to 9’ and weigh from 400-675 lbs. Speed: Can run up to 50 mph in the show. Advantage: speed. 

 

Polar Bear: Power paws, thick coat and protective layer of fat. Polar bears hearing and eyesight comparable to humans and sense of smell is acute. Polar bears are able to smell a seal from a distance of 32 km (20 miles). Size: Male polar bears range from 7' to 11' and weigh from 660 to 1,320 pounds. Speed: Walking speed: 5.5 kph (3.4 mph). Running speed: 40 kph (25 mph) for short distances. Advantage: additional layer of fat to lessen an attack. 

 

Fight: The tiger would try to attack from behind the bear (Method of kill: suffocation after putting the victim down). However, the bear’s fur is much too thick for the tiger to penetrate. The action would enrage the polar bear. The bear would fall backwards onto the cat and the cat would then instinctively try to escape because a cat hates being on its back. Alternatively, the bear (Method of kill: crushing the skull with a blow from paw) would injure the tiger. 

 

Winner: Clearly the Polar Bear. After measuring the force a bear creates by a blow from its paw vs the claws/biting force of the tiger, the bear would win. The tiger would be unable to topple the bear. Result: the Polar Bear would crush the Siberian Tiger’s skull. Connie’s Reaction: No more visits to the San Diego Zoo or Wild Animal Park for me! 

 

2. Would I rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck? 

Engeldict, or Bengelbert? Since I must decide--knowing one side effect is a lovely Las Vegas suntan and questionable sideburns; the other, pasty-pale skin and an out-of-control hairdo. I would prefer a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch. 

 

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

 

A baby dragon would be the perfect mythical pet for me. I have the patience to train him or her to fly and breathe fire. Baby dragons are not easy to raise. However, I am calm and can handle the challenge (after all, I am an experienced iguana owner). My adorable baby dragon will love sitting on my shoulder and accompanying me wherever I go (except for handbag and shoe shopping)! I will be sure to keep my latest fashion accessory (fire extinguisher) close by! 

 

4. Are there Aliens among us? 

 

Of course! 

 

4a. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them? 

 

Far-Out Dudes

 

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off this planet? 

 

How about a trip to Mars? A wealthy engineer who paid $20 million for the Russians to fly him to the International Space Station back in 2001 (who shall remain nameless), is leading a private effort to stage a Martian fly-by mission in 2018. I am guessing that Justin Bieber could easily afford a ticket onto the Mars mission 

 

6. If you were a superheroine or hero, what would you special power be? 

 

Chi: Control of our inner mojo. Control over your Chi means you have the ability to physically manifest all of your inner strength and willpower. This means your outer strength can be just as powerful as your inner strength. 

 

* * *

 

 

Here Today, Zombie Tomorrow 

 

Alive, Steampunk novelist Meredith Misso worked hard at living the perfect SoCal celeb life. Now that she is a Zombie, it’s all about the make-up, non-vegan lifestyle, and her soon-to-be ex, who somehow managed to Velcro himself back into her life. “Quirky, Sassy, and Fun! ~ Authors Den Review 

 

Available on Amazon

 

Connie Vines 

 

Married with two grown sons, Connie Vines resides deep in the quirky suburbs of southern California. She has published over one hundred short stories and non-fiction articles, six novels, and has ghost-written two literary novels and one screenplay. The vice-president of GothRom (Gothic Chapter of Romance Writers), Connie participates in local literary events and judges national and international writing contests. 

 

Please visit her website: http://www.novelsbyconnievines.com 

Follow her on Twitter: http://twitter.com/connie_vines 

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/connievines/pins 

Easy links to all things Connie: http://about.me/ConnieVines

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Harry Connick Cooties Edition Featuring Gail Roughton

Welcome to the blog, Gail Roughton!  Her spooky book cover is doing nothing for my fear of flying, but she's a lovely author all the same.  Here are her answers to my silly questions~

​
1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears?

Cats, of course!  Cats were worshiped as Gods in ancient Egypt, they’re not going to forget something like that!  Smokey hasn’t got a chance!

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​

I’ll see you your Engelbert Humperdinck and raise you a Harry Connick, Jr.

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why?

A Falton.  You’ve never heard of a Falton?  Well, I’m not surprised, you wouldn’t have unless you’ve read a book titled Vanished.  They exist in a parallel world I’m acquainted with called Trusca.  They look like horses, but they have horns.  That’s horns, plural, not horn, singular. Curving, deadly horns that grow out of the sides of their heads, on either side of their ears, like a bull. They’re stronger than horses and smarter than unicorns and nobody owns a Falton.  They pick their own masters. (And you thought I was going to say ‘dragon’ or ‘unicorn’, didn’t you?)

4. Are aliens among us?

Oh, you bet your fur they are!! I know quite a few people who can’t be explained any other way, don’t you?

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them?

Hmmm, let’s see.  The Space Between Us.  Aliens No More.  Venus Triumphs.

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet?

Do we really have the right to inflict something like that on another planet?  I mean, what sort of impression about Earth would that give other worlds?  Still, I suppose we could have an intergalactic hyper-drive installed in a Lamborghini.  That wouldn’t make him suspicious or anything, whereas it might be a problem getting him on an obvious spacecraft.

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be?

I’d be a shapeshifter.  The possibilities are endless!

* * *

VANISHED

Tess Ames thought this trip was just business as usual. Well, other than the added perk of a few days in Jamaica after the conclusion of business. Then the fog rolled in. And Tess's world changed forever. In more ways than one.

About the author:

Gail Roughton is a native of small town Georgia whose Deep South heritage features prominently in much of her work. She’s worked in a law office for close to forty years, during which time she’s raised three children and quite a few attorneys. She’s kept herself more or less sane by writing novels and tossing the completed manuscripts into her closet. A cross-genre writer, Gail’s produced works ranging from humor to romance to thriller to horror, sometimes in the same book. She’s never quite sure herself what to expect when she sits down at the keyboard. Now multi-published by Books We Love, Ltd., her credits include the War-N-Wit, Inc. series, The Color of Seven, Vanished, Country Justice, and Sisters of Prophecy -- Ursula. Currently, Gail is working on Black Turkey Walk, the second in the Country Justice series (which no, she didn't expect to evolve into a series), as well as the Sisters of Prophecy series, co-written with Jude Pittman. 

 

Visit Gail Roughton at: 

Books We Love, Ltd.: http://bookswelove.net/authors/gail-roughton/ 

Blog: http://gailroughton.blogspot.com/

Twitter: twitter.com/GailRoughton 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GailRoughton

Amazon: http://amzn.to/18gb7gP

Swing on by and Read the Shittiest Thing Ever!

My "The Shittiest Princess" series has been running weekly on Persephone Magazine for a while now!  It's been so exciting for me to share the adventures of Princess Poot, her friend-wife Prince Agnes, Medium-Sized Moat Squid, and all the rest of the kooky Kingdomville gang!

If you've missed this amazing phenomenon that my husband calls "you're still doing that weird thing?" then check out all the stories here:

The latest is THE SHITTIEST PRINCESS AND THE MANLY GAMES.

It came to pass in the country of Kingdomville that the king held an annual event for the betterment of boners and armpit sweat: The Manly Games. Besides crusades, wars, Minion-crushing, tournaments, Tuesdays, and gay pride parades, there were no opportunities for men to run about waving their implements at one another, so the Games were born...

If you want to start at the beginning, then check out THE SHITTIEST PRINCESS AND THE TWELVE-TOED SUITOR.

Once upon a time, when men were men and women were property, there lived a very shitty princess. Verily, she was the shittiest princess in the seven kingdoms, and in the three kingdoms beyond them. She was worse than even the most terrible royal in that weird duchy that celebrated Christmas all year ’round. It took a month to pry the tinsel out of your sensitive parts after a visit to that accursed place, a pox upon it.

The shittiest princess’ name was Poot. You’d think she’d be the fartiest princess, but that title belonged to Princess Amanda Who Was Rarely Invited to Sleepovers...

All the rest can be found on the Shittiest Princess tag--start from page two (at the bottom) and work your way up.

If you're having a bad day or a great one, Princess Poot can bring a smile to your lovely face.  And if not, hey--at least you don't have her vestigial fin!  Uh...I meant skateboarding scar.

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Cat Conspiracies Edition Featuring Lisabet Sarai(& A Giveaway!)

Blog buddy author Lisabet Sarai is here to give away a book and answer my stupid questions!  Gather round, friends...

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

 

As a devout ailurophile (that's a fancy name for a cat person), I have it on excellent authority that the cats would clobber the bears. Not in a physical contest, of course, but I'll bet on brains over brawn any day. Think about it. Have you ever met a bear with any kind of intellectual depth? Yogi? Pooh? Smokey? Even Paddington (and he's an outlier)? Give a bear a hug and a bit of honey and he's happy. The typical ursine would much rather nap than fight. Bears most definitely do not care about ruling the world. 

 

Felines, on the other hand, possess unbelievably Machiavellian sensibilities. Although they love comfort, they won't allow themselves to be seduced by a plate of fish or a catnip-stuffed toy if that interferes with their larger plans. This is especially true of black cats who have a higher average IQ than cats of other colors. (Miz Blackness is sitting next to my laptop right now, dictating.) 

 

 

Cats really do seem to have super powers sometimes. They can jump to impossible heights. They can disappear. They can see through walls. Not to mention reading your mind - and compelling you to do what they want. It's ridiculously easy to imagine a world in which cats are in charge. Um--right. 

 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?

 

Don't you think it's a bit insensitive making jokes at the expense of people with funny names?

 

I have to say I don't fully get the way women go all gooey about Benedict. He's nicely nerdy, but doesn't really float my boat. Of course, Engelbert had the girls of his generation drooling over him as well. So maybe there is something about funny names that gets the juices flowing. Although I seem to be personally immune. 

 

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

 

I can't have a fantasy creature for a pet. My cats won't let me. 

 

4. Are aliens among us? 

 

See question number 1. Can you think of another explanation? 

 

I have it on unimpeachable authority that cats came here from a distant galaxy where they’d built an advanced civilization. After landing on earth many millenia ago, they began a systematic campaign to take over. They created the Nazca lines in Peru while hunting for prehistoric mice. They're responsible for Stonehenge; the megaliths were originally covered with wood and served as giant scratching posts. They supervised the building of the pyramids. Why do you think the Egyptians worshiped them as gods? 

 

They now control the Pentagon, the Kremlin, FaceBook and YouTube. Obviously. 

 

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them? 

 

How about From Fur to Eternity? Fifty Shades of Fur? Gone with the Roast Chicken? 

 

Just a second. I’ll see what Blackness thinks... 

 

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

 

His cat Tuts is working on it. http://www.eonline.com/news/431254/justin-bieber-s-cat-tuts-gets-her-own-twitter http://www.mtv.com/news/1876645/justin-bieber-cats/ Actually, from what I hear, Tuts plans to bring Justin back to the home world to investigate just how a human manages to elicit the sort of swooning adoration usually reserved for felines. 

 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be? 

 

Jumping to impossible heights. Disappearing. Seeing through walls. Reading minds. (I think you get the picture...) But I'd better not get too uppity. I know better than to antagonize my alien mistress. 

 

 

And if any of you are fellow ailurophiles, check out Lisabet's upcoming release The Eyes of Bast, which actually features a black cat as the hero. 

 

Here's the blurb: 

 

Trust your heart. Follow your dreams. 

 

Shaina Williams' grandmother bequeathed her that wisdom, along with an old pendant from the Islands, carved from an ocelot's tooth. When instinct tells Shaina to visit the feral cat trap she'd set in Central Park, she listens to that inner voice. She discovers she's caged a magnificent black tom, but the cat inexplicably vanishes after she tends to his wounds. Seeking the errant feline, Shaina encounters instead a handsome stranger whose slightest touch sets her body on fire. As the day dawns after a night of ferocious passion, her mysterious lover is forced back into his true shape—the tomcat she'd rescued. 

 

Born a cat, Tom was transformed into an unwilling shape shifter by a sorceress who craved a human plaything to satisfy her perverse lusts. Centuries old and irresistibly powerful, Delphine Montserrat will stop at nothing to find her runaway familiar. Shaina vows to do whatever is necessary to defeat the vicious but seductive witch and save the man she believes is her soul mate – even though it might mean losing him forever. 

 

The Eyes of Bast will be available at Totally Bound on the 27th of March. You can pre-order it now: https://www.totallybound.com/the-eyes-of-bast. 

 

You can read an excerpt here: http://www.lisabetsarai.com/eyesofbastex.html 

 

And since you can't get that book yet, I'll give you a chance to win a copy of Incognito, another one of my novels with a cat (named Heathcliff) who has a crucial role in the plot. Just leave a comment on this post - with your email, please, so I can find you if I draw your name! 

 

About Lisabet 

 

Cat lover. World traveler. Belly dancer. Computer geek. Lisabet Sarai loves variety, in her life and in her writing. Her nine novels and dozens of short stories include contemporary, historical, paranormal, science fiction, steam punk, gay, lesbian, ménage, kink, and pretty much every other genre you could name, aside from cowboys. She even, occasionally, tries her hand at humor, though she'd never dare attempt an Olivia Newton-John sing-off. Follow her blog Beyond Romance (http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com) for all her latest news (including frequent giveaways). Check out her website Lisabet's Fantasy Factory (http://www.lisabetsarai.com) for lots of free reading, excerpts from all her books, and more pictures of her cats.

 

 

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Men in Black Edition Featuring Clare Dargin

Please wave a jaunty hello to author Clare Dargin, here to talk about her sci-fi romance, and her boner for a certain terribly-named British gent!

​1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

Of course cats would win because eventually bears would have to hibernate during the winter and that's when the cats would pounce! Besides we know from the movie Cats and Dogs that cats have been plotting to take over the world for millennia. 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

Benedict Cumberbatch-- it would be a shocking diagnosis but well worth the exam!  

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

A fantasy creature? At first I was going to say a unicorn but I don't have the aspiration to care for a horse in real life (they are a lot of hard work to do it right!) so I know I really wouldn't do 'Glowbrite', that's what I'd name it, any justice. So I'd settle for a Ysalamiri instead. Why? Because I'm hoping the Jedi Council from the Old Republic would send someone to my house--preferably Obi Wan Kenobi a la Ewan MacGregor version, to find out why I'd have access a creature. Jedis and Ysalamiris don't mix. Me and Obi Wan could work out a deal. 

4. Are aliens among us? 

Sure there....that's why I'm waiting for my Jedi Knight. Oh do you mean non-human ones as in humanoid and non- humanoid alike? I hope not!  

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

Oh you mean they are disguised like the way Men In Black exposed them.... I'd find out where my nearest MIB outpost is and lodge a complaint. I'm not about a little framing too. You know for the sake of humanity. 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be?

Making Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan Noonien Singh fall in love with me and then ravish---. Oh....world peace. Yes...I would create world peace.

[Editorial Note:  I'm a Ricardo Montalbán girl, myself.]

* * *

The Cold Warriors Universe by Clare Dargin

Left in cryogenic stasis for nearly a century, Caitlin Driskoll is awakened and drafted into a war she knows nothing about. Expected to defend a world where her kind is despised and expendable, she discovers love and respect from the one man who can’t be associated with her. 

Lieutenant Colonel Medoro Keegan has spent a lifetime in the Marines. With no family to speak of, the Corps and his ship, the USS Blanchard, are all the loved ones he needs...until Caitlin sparks a fire within, that threatens to consume him if he doesn’t walk away. 

Will he choose a life of certainty in the only world he knows or give it all to Caitlin and run the risk of losing someone, yet again?

Available on Amazon

Clare's Blog 2: The Haven: http://claresblog2thehaven.blogspot.com

The Embraced: Scribal Love: http://theembraced.blogspot.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/clare.dargin 

Twitter: www.twitter.com/clare_dargin / www.twitter.com/embracedscribed 

Google Plus: https://plus.google.com/113201930657713285351/posts

Stupid Questions with Lucy:Walking Coffee Table Edition Featuring Barbara Meyers

Bloggie friends, please meet lovely author Barbara Meyers, who is much better at titles than she thinks she is!  Let us all applaud her answers to my stupid questions.

​1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

I think cats would win. They’re sneaky and fast. They find good places to hide and they excel at surprise attacks. Plus, they can be annoying. I think they’d wear the bears down and the bears would just give up. 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

Engelbert Humperdinck. It sounds like something could actually be seriously wrong with one of your important body parts. “Apparently, Ms. Meyers, you have an Engelbert on your Humperdinck.” Plus I had a bit of crush on E.H. in my youth. 

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

It would be a cross between a coffee table and a dog but wouldn’t require walking. It could retrieve things for me, like my glasses, the remote, a cold beverage, a snack, place them on its coffee table back and bring them to me so I wouldn’t have to get up. 

4. Are aliens among us? 

Have you met some of the frightening beings masquerading as people who are out there in the everyday world? Of course there are aliens. 

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them? 

I SUCK at titles. Shifty Shades of Space? 

[Editorial note. I like it. Maybe Shifty Shades of Shpace? Could have a hero with an adorable speech impediment.]

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

He’s already off his rocker (rocket?), isn’t he? I’m not sure he needs any help. 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be?

I’d like stealth capabilities, like a cloaking device that makes me invisible and undetectable. Since I sometimes feel like I’m invisible anyway, it’d be interesting to really be invisible. Imagine where you could go and what you could find out. 

* * *

NOBODY'S FOOL by Barbara Meyers

She’s home to make amends. He’s out to get a little revenge. But the heart he breaks could be his own. 

The Jolie Kramer who left Oak Ridge isn’t the same one who’s home for her ten-year high school reunion. The old Jolie hid her secrets and insecurities behind her popular-girl image. 

The new Jolie is older, wiser, and ready to make amends for the bridges she burned. Especially the one between her and Court Harrison, her biggest supporter since childhood. 

Court hates to admit he’s still hung up on Jolie, and he’s vowed to finally put the past way, way behind him. She wants to kiss and make up? He’ll give her a taste of her own medicine. Make her fall for him—only this time, he’ll be the one walking away. 

But his plan works a little too well, and by the time he realizes their feelings are real, it’s too late. She’s onto him, and he’s lost the only woman he’ll ever want. Unless she falls for plan B, which contains two things she can’t resist: a career challenge, and a chance to get a little revenge of her own.

Purchase Nobody's Fool on Amazon.

Visit at www.barbarameyers.com.  Buy links to all her books are on her web site.  Follow her infrequent posts on Twitter @barbmeyers and @ajtillock.  Read her blog at http://barbmeyers.wordpress.com/blog/.  Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/BarbaraMeyersAuthorPage
 

Leslie Knope Explains What It's Like to Submit Your Manuscript to Agents

So you've decided to ruin your life by being a writer.  You work for months--writing, editing, inhaling salty snacks, crying in your bathtub.  Normal writer stuff.

And then you lose your mind and want to submit that manuscript to agents, a fabulous torture of waiting and self-immolation that feels suspiciously like hemorrhoids.

You submit your hard work for the miniscule chance that the Great Sky Hand might point to your manuscript while angels sing "I Believe I Can Fly" and BOOM! you have an agent. 

More often the experience is like hitting yourself in the face with a hammer while fifty professionals politely tell you you're doing it wrong.

Why the ever-loving %^$#@ do we do this to ourselves?

We do it because in even the attempt, we've won.

I truly believe any time a person pursues their dreams, it's a great personal win.  We can work hard, but we can't always control the outcome of our artistic or professional pursuits.  It takes a village to publish a book, and a lot of "yes"es have to happen along the way.  Personally, I had a literary agent at one time who put a humor book on submission.  Even getting the agent in the first place was a damn fabulous accomplishment!  But, even though we were told the book was funny, it didn't sell, and the agent wasn't interested in working with me further.  Womp womp.  Sucks, right?  It sucked great giant donkey balls.

 

No matter the outcome, I felt immensely proud of myself.  How many people don't work up the courage to pursue their dreams?  Or are sidelined by terrible circumstances?  Awful things have happened to me that have shoved aside my ability to write.  However, I've gotten back on that horse and, come what may, nobody can take that away from me.

Even if you never get that agent, that book deal, that pile of money to roll naked in...you have a book that you wrote with your blood, sweat, and barf.  You will have that forever!  And I'm so freaking proud of you!

Try to remember that as you are rejected by agents.  Because you will be, even if you go on to snag one.  I'm about to sub my superheroine book and yuuuuuup, I'm going to get that form rejection many times.

If all else fails, you can do what Leslie did.

The moral of the story is...keep writing.  And eat feminist barbeque.

Stupid Questions with Lucy:The Wienerschnitzel Cure Edition Featuring Suz deMello

Welcome back to author Suz deMello, who has (voluntarily!) jumped into my chum waters to answer more moronic questions and share her latest book.  Round of applause, blog friends!

​1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

Cats. Stealth and cunning beat brute force in this stand-off! 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

HA HA HA HA HA. They both do sound like dread diseases, don't they? I think that Cumberbatch sounds fairly ominous, so let's go with Humperdinck--that sounds curable by a dose of Baroque music and a weinershnitzel dinner. 

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

A dragon seems scary though intriguing. The clean-up involved with a unicorn is, to say the least, unappealing. A centaur--ummm, best of both worlds if a male. But I'll go with Dumbledore's choice--a phoenix. I love birds, though I've never owned one as a pet. 

4. Are aliens among us? 

I can't imagine why. I hope that Earth is not the galactic garden spot or vacation destination. That would not speak well for the Milky Way. 

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them?

I think they're on other planets, but if one does visit...The Alien Within. Alien Explores my Area 51. The Alien Next Door. Sex, Lies and Aliens. 

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

A swift kick is the arse? 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be? 

Promotions (LOL). I'd love to fly. 

PERILOUS PLAY by Suz deMello

 

One woman’s journey into the contemporary kink underworld, Perilous Play is Suz deMello’s explosive personal account of her experiences with BDSM. Engaging and honest, this groundbreaking memoir will grab you and never let you go. 

Available on Smashwords and Amazon.