Friday, September 23, 2011
I used Palmolive Soap to “live my romance.” It worked! I was magically transformed into a secret princess named Sophiey with violet eyes and was kidnapped by a renegade pirate duke named Sebastian — but the experience was not at all what Rosemary Rogers and romance novels have led me to believe.
First of all, I suddenly found myself in 1798 and let me tell you, it stunk. What stunk? EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY. My special fucking soap lasted about a day on that gross-ass ship and after that my charming duke smelled like the dumpster at Long John Silver’s.
Secondly, I was forced to wear a super uncomfortable gown made of wool even though it was approximately nine million degrees Fahrenheit in the East Assies or wherever we were.
Lastly, even though renegade pirate dukes are supposed to be awesome at ship-ey things, we ran aground and thereafter died of scurvy. It was better than eating each other, which is what the duke suggested. No, I don’t mean in the fun way.
I’m afraid I simply cannot recommend Palmolive. Ladies, use some damn Irish Spring — please!
An Unsatisfied Customer
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Well, it's your lucky day!
I'm at Killer Chicks talking about my favorite kick-ass scifi heroines. Come on by and tell me all abut yours.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thank you Lucy for letting me loose on your blog…I’ll try and leave it nice and tidy.
When Lucy and I discussed swapping blogs for our new books we had no idea we were both releasing with Liquid Silver Books on the same day, and both writing comedy. What a fantastic co-incidence.
So, let me share a little about my book, MALE ORDER, REIGNING MEN VOLUME ONE. This book has been affectionately nicknamed ‘The Man in the Hat,’ although more than one flustered female fan has made the comment, ‘He’s wearing a hat?’ The hero has a habit of making out with himself in his reclining chair wearing a cowboy hat and socks. How does my heroine know this? Well, if you kept hearing your flat mate yelling, ‘Yeehaw ride ‘em you got it babe’ wouldn’t you want to investigate?
Available now at http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/maleorder.htm.
Want to know more?
Here’s the blurb.
Meg’s mother can't even say the word sex. Her great aunt is a nymphomaniac. The few men she’s slept with left her frustrated. The closest she’s come to sex was as the unwitting visual aid for hot flatmate, Sam’s, cowboy style, wanking session. No wonder her libido went on permanent vacation and she substitutes ice-cream and chocolate for sex.
With so many hang ups, why does she agree to no strings sex with Sam? Why is
hunky, strip club manager Michael bent on seducing her? And why the hell does she invest in a male escort business offering extra services?
Sam’s delighted when he convinces Meg to let him go looking for her missing G
spot. A ride on his wild stallion shows her how good sex can be...with the right
man. One encounter leads to a dozen. Sam is living every man’s dream, sex with no commitment, too bad it’s not his dream.
His new life turns nightmare when Michael enters the scene. Will the Irishman steal her away, or will his involvement in her Male Order business lead to a disaster that gives Sam a chance to prove to Meg their relationship is more than a sexual rodeo?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
As you can see from this, my husband is a very generous and understanding person. It's not every man who would look at the script for this thing and agree to film it, edit it, and not divorce me. Then again, he's pretty used to my nonsense...
Gaaaaah! RAGNAR AND JULIET broke the top 100 in Fantasy, Futuristic & Ghost on Amazon on my first day! HOLY CRAP!
AND I am 4000something in the Kindle store!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Yes, you can finally buy RAGNAR AND JULIET! (That's a link to Liquid Silver, where you can buy direct. You can also get the book at AllRomance and Amazon.)
There are many ways you can celebrate this blessed day. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Buy the book. Duh.
2. Throw a ticker-tape parade down Fifth Avenue. No, I will not bail you out of jail, but I will applaud your commitment to the cause.
3. Name your cat after me.
4. Name your child after me.
5. Name yourself after me.
Check out the right side panel for a my blog tour dates and links. Lots of hijinks and some giveaways, so go look now. Well, after you read the rest of this post.
I'm over at Smart Girls Love SciFi today giving away a copy. But that's no excuse for not buying your very own copy. It's the least you can do if you won't name your son after me. And you call yourself a fan...
Friday, September 9, 2011
I have fans and everything. Hope I still have them after the book comes out. Maybe I should take a screen shot...
So please be my fan and mark my v. v. important book (RAGNAR AND JULIET) as a to-read. If you do, the First-Time-Author Fairy will visit you and leave a tooth under your pillow. I know that doesn't sound too appealing, but what if I said that the fairy looked like this? Now we're talking.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I don’t know what you did this weekend, but my husband and I finally got down and dirty…
filming the Ragnar and Juliet book trailer.
Our house is a disaster of spaceships made of shoe boxes and duct tape, Barbie dolls in stupid outfits, and cat hair in the shot, except we didn’t notice it until we’d done four takes. So if you watch this crapfest and see giant cat hairs, well, that’s just “ambiance.”
I spent most of the time painfully laying flat on my belly, arms way out in front of me close to the ground, making Barbie and Ken (Ragnar and Juliet) hump, or jump, or chase. There were actually moments when my husband wanted them to get too graphic for my taste. Yes, turns out I have taste.
This thing is so stupid. I really wonder if it’s a good idea of a spectacularly bad one in which I scare off more readers than I attract.
But we laughed so very much, even more than we snapped at one another. Too bad no one will hear any of the dialogue I gave to the dolls. My husband lost it several times. Of course, I think the liquor helped. There is no part of this thing that was produced 100% sober, and I’m proud of that.
We broke out the fog machine. I decided that we are awesome because we own one to just use whenever we want to.
Now my man will edit it, hopefully to be completed by Sept 12th, my release date. When you see it, please lie and tell me that the hours of work that went into it were not a waste of our precious lives.