Thursday, March 26, 2015

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Out-of-Control Hairdo Edition Featuring Connie Vines

Hallo, blog friends!  Author Connie Vines is here to char herself on my hot seat (ahem)!

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 
Since neither species inhabits the same global real estate, let’s assume the Siberian Tiger vs Polar Bear war began at a local zoo, or animal park due to a major social faux pas. 
The vanity factor: 
The Siberian tiger is reddish-rusty or rusty-yellow in color, with narrow black transverse stripes for as camouflage and hunt by stealth. They lie in wait and creep close enough to attack their victims with a quick spring and a fatal pounce. Tigers are the largest of all wild cats and are renowned for their power and strength. 
Polar bears typically have thick white fur, which can range from white to creamy yellow in the summer. A thick undercoat prevents water from penetration, and webbed forepaws can measure up to 16 cm in diameter; acting as paddles for swimming and snowshoes for walking on land or on thin ice. Compared to other bears, the polar bear's head is streamlined. It has a longer snout for warming cold air on inhalation and for trying to catch ringed seals that are slipping down breathing holes. 
Canine size: equal. 
Siberian Tiger: Agile, fast, kills by crushing the jugular. The tiger's sense of hearing is the most acute all its senses. Size: Male Siberian tigers body length 4.5’ to 9’ and weigh from 400-675 lbs. Speed: Can run up to 50 mph in the show. Advantage: speed. 
Polar Bear: Power paws, thick coat and protective layer of fat. Polar bears hearing and eyesight comparable to humans and sense of smell is acute. Polar bears are able to smell a seal from a distance of 32 km (20 miles). Size: Male polar bears range from 7' to 11' and weigh from 660 to 1,320 pounds. Speed: Walking speed: 5.5 kph (3.4 mph). Running speed: 40 kph (25 mph) for short distances. Advantage: additional layer of fat to lessen an attack. 
Fight: The tiger would try to attack from behind the bear (Method of kill: suffocation after putting the victim down). However, the bear’s fur is much too thick for the tiger to penetrate. The action would enrage the polar bear. The bear would fall backwards onto the cat and the cat would then instinctively try to escape because a cat hates being on its back. Alternatively, the bear (Method of kill: crushing the skull with a blow from paw) would injure the tiger. 
Winner: Clearly the Polar Bear. After measuring the force a bear creates by a blow from its paw vs the claws/biting force of the tiger, the bear would win. The tiger would be unable to topple the bear. Result: the Polar Bear would crush the Siberian Tiger’s skull. Connie’s Reaction: No more visits to the San Diego Zoo or Wild Animal Park for me! 
2. Would I rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck? 

Engeldict, or Bengelbert? Since I must decide--knowing one side effect is a lovely Las Vegas suntan and questionable sideburns; the other, pasty-pale skin and an out-of-control hairdo. I would prefer a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch. 
3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 
A baby dragon would be the perfect mythical pet for me. I have the patience to train him or her to fly and breathe fire. Baby dragons are not easy to raise. However, I am calm and can handle the challenge (after all, I am an experienced iguana owner). My adorable baby dragon will love sitting on my shoulder and accompanying me wherever I go (except for handbag and shoe shopping)! I will be sure to keep my latest fashion accessory (fire extinguisher) close by! 
4. Are there Aliens among us? 
Of course! 
4a. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them? 
Far-Out Dudes
5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off this planet? 
How about a trip to Mars? A wealthy engineer who paid $20 million for the Russians to fly him to the International Space Station back in 2001 (who shall remain nameless), is leading a private effort to stage a Martian fly-by mission in 2018. I am guessing that Justin Bieber could easily afford a ticket onto the Mars mission 
6. If you were a superheroine or hero, what would you special power be? 
Chi: Control of our inner mojo. Control over your Chi means you have the ability to physically manifest all of your inner strength and willpower. This means your outer strength can be just as powerful as your inner strength. 
* * *

Here Today, Zombie Tomorrow 
Alive, Steampunk novelist Meredith Misso worked hard at living the perfect SoCal celeb life. Now that she is a Zombie, it’s all about the make-up, non-vegan lifestyle, and her soon-to-be ex, who somehow managed to Velcro himself back into her life. “Quirky, Sassy, and Fun! ~ Authors Den Review 
Available on Amazon
Connie Vines 
Married with two grown sons, Connie Vines resides deep in the quirky suburbs of southern California. She has published over one hundred short stories and non-fiction articles, six novels, and has ghost-written two literary novels and one screenplay. The vice-president of GothRom (Gothic Chapter of Romance Writers), Connie participates in local literary events and judges national and international writing contests. 
Please visit her website: 
Follow her on Twitter: 
Easy links to all things Connie:

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Harry Connick Cooties Edition Featuring Gail Roughton

Welcome to the blog, Gail Roughton!  Her spooky book cover is doing nothing for my fear of flying, but she's a lovely author all the same.  Here are her answers to my silly questions~

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears?

Cats, of course!  Cats were worshiped as Gods in ancient Egypt, they’re not going to forget something like that!  Smokey hasn’t got a chance!

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​

I’ll see you your Engelbert Humperdinck and raise you a Harry Connick, Jr.

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why?

A Falton.  You’ve never heard of a Falton?  Well, I’m not surprised, you wouldn’t have unless you’ve read a book titled Vanished.  They exist in a parallel world I’m acquainted with called Trusca.  They look like horses, but they have horns.  That’s horns, plural, not horn, singular. Curving, deadly horns that grow out of the sides of their heads, on either side of their ears, like a bull. They’re stronger than horses and smarter than unicorns and nobody owns a Falton.  They pick their own masters. (And you thought I was going to say ‘dragon’ or ‘unicorn’, didn’t you?)

4. Are aliens among us?

Oh, you bet your fur they are!! I know quite a few people who can’t be explained any other way, don’t you?

4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them?

Hmmm, let’s see.  The Space Between Us Aliens No MoreVenus Triumphs.

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet?

Do we really have the right to inflict something like that on another planet?  I mean, what sort of impression about Earth would that give other worlds?  Still, I suppose we could have an intergalactic hyper-drive installed in a Lamborghini.  That wouldn’t make him suspicious or anything, whereas it might be a problem getting him on an obvious spacecraft.

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be?

I’d be a shapeshifter.  The possibilities are endless!

* * *

Tess Ames thought this trip was just business as usual. Well, other than the added perk of a few days in Jamaica after the conclusion of business. Then the fog rolled in. And Tess's world changed forever. In more ways than one.

About the author:

Gail Roughton is a native of small town Georgia whose Deep South heritage features prominently in much of her work. She’s worked in a law office for close to forty years, during which time she’s raised three children and quite a few attorneys. She’s kept herself more or less sane by writing novels and tossing the completed manuscripts into her closet. A cross-genre writer, Gail’s produced works ranging from humor to romance to thriller to horror, sometimes in the same book. She’s never quite sure herself what to expect when she sits down at the keyboard. Now multi-published by Books We Love, Ltd., her credits include the War-N-Wit, Inc. series, The Color of Seven, Vanished, Country Justice, and Sisters of Prophecy -- Ursula. Currently, Gail is working on Black Turkey Walk, the second in the Country Justice series (which no, she didn't expect to evolve into a series), as well as the Sisters of Prophecy series, co-written with Jude Pittman. 
Visit Gail Roughton at: 

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Swing on by and Read the Shittiest Thing Ever!

My "The Shittiest Princess" series has been running weekly on Persephone Magazine for a while now!  It's been so exciting for me to share the adventures of Princess Poot, her friend-wife Prince Agnes, Medium-Sized Moat Squid, and all the rest of the kooky Kingdomville gang!

If you've missed this amazing phenomenon that my husband calls "you're still doing that weird thing?" then check out all the stories here:

It came to pass in the country of Kingdomville that the king held an annual event for the betterment of boners and armpit sweat: The Manly Games. Besides crusades, wars, Minion-crushing, tournaments, Tuesdays, and gay pride parades, there were no opportunities for men to run about waving their implements at one another, so the Games were born...

If you want to start at the beginning, then check out THE SHITTIEST PRINCESS AND THE TWELVE-TOED SUITOR.

Once upon a time, when men were men and women were property, there lived a very shitty princess. Verily, she was the shittiest princess in the seven kingdoms, and in the three kingdoms beyond them. She was worse than even the most terrible royal in that weird duchy that celebrated Christmas all year ’round. It took a month to pry the tinsel out of your sensitive parts after a visit to that accursed place, a pox upon it.

The shittiest princess’ name was Poot. You’d think she’d be the fartiest princess, but that title belonged to Princess Amanda Who Was Rarely Invited to Sleepovers...

All the rest can be found on the Shittiest Princess tag--start from page two (at the bottom) and work your way up.

If you're having a bad day or a great one, Princess Poot can bring a smile to your lovely face.  And if not, hey--at least you don't have her vestigial fin!  Uh...I meant skateboarding scar.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Cat Conspiracies Edition Featuring Lisabet Sarai
(& A Giveaway!)

Blog buddy author Lisabet Sarai is here to give away a book and answer my stupid questions!  Gather round, friends...

1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 
As a devout ailurophile (that's a fancy name for a cat person), I have it on excellent authority that the cats would clobber the bears. Not in a physical contest, of course, but I'll bet on brains over brawn any day. Think about it. Have you ever met a bear with any kind of intellectual depth? Yogi? Pooh? Smokey? Even Paddington (and he's an outlier)? Give a bear a hug and a bit of honey and he's happy. The typical ursine would much rather nap than fight. Bears most definitely do not care about ruling the world. 
Felines, on the other hand, possess unbelievably Machiavellian sensibilities. Although they love comfort, they won't allow themselves to be seduced by a plate of fish or a catnip-stuffed toy if that interferes with their larger plans. This is especially true of black cats who have a higher average IQ than cats of other colors. (Miz Blackness is sitting next to my laptop right now, dictating.) 
Cats really do seem to have super powers sometimes. They can jump to impossible heights. They can disappear. They can see through walls. Not to mention reading your mind - and compelling you to do what they want. It's ridiculously easy to imagine a world in which cats are in charge. Um--right. 
2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?
Don't you think it's a bit insensitive making jokes at the expense of people with funny names?
I have to say I don't fully get the way women go all gooey about Benedict. He's nicely nerdy, but doesn't really float my boat. Of course, Engelbert had the girls of his generation drooling over him as well. So maybe there is something about funny names that gets the juices flowing. Although I seem to be personally immune. 
3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 
I can't have a fantasy creature for a pet. My cats won't let me. 
4. Are aliens among us? 
See question number 1. Can you think of another explanation? 
I have it on unimpeachable authority that cats came here from a distant galaxy where they’d built an advanced civilization. After landing on earth many millenia ago, they began a systematic campaign to take over. They created the Nazca lines in Peru while hunting for prehistoric mice. They're responsible for Stonehenge; the megaliths were originally covered with wood and served as giant scratching posts. They supervised the building of the pyramids. Why do you think the Egyptians worshiped them as gods? 
They now control the Pentagon, the Kremlin, FaceBook and YouTube. Obviously. 
4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them? 
How about From Fur to Eternity? Fifty Shades of Fur? Gone with the Roast Chicken
Just a second. I’ll see what Blackness thinks... 
5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 
His cat Tuts is working on it. Actually, from what I hear, Tuts plans to bring Justin back to the home world to investigate just how a human manages to elicit the sort of swooning adoration usually reserved for felines. 
6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be? 
Jumping to impossible heights. Disappearing. Seeing through walls. Reading minds. (I think you get the picture...) But I'd better not get too uppity. I know better than to antagonize my alien mistress. 

And if any of you are fellow ailurophiles, check out Lisabet's upcoming release The Eyes of Bast, which actually features a black cat as the hero. 
Here's the blurb: 
Trust your heart. Follow your dreams. 
Shaina Williams' grandmother bequeathed her that wisdom, along with an old pendant from the Islands, carved from an ocelot's tooth. When instinct tells Shaina to visit the feral cat trap she'd set in Central Park, she listens to that inner voice. She discovers she's caged a magnificent black tom, but the cat inexplicably vanishes after she tends to his wounds. Seeking the errant feline, Shaina encounters instead a handsome stranger whose slightest touch sets her body on fire. As the day dawns after a night of ferocious passion, her mysterious lover is forced back into his true shape—the tomcat she'd rescued. 
Born a cat, Tom was transformed into an unwilling shape shifter by a sorceress who craved a human plaything to satisfy her perverse lusts. Centuries old and irresistibly powerful, Delphine Montserrat will stop at nothing to find her runaway familiar. Shaina vows to do whatever is necessary to defeat the vicious but seductive witch and save the man she believes is her soul mate – even though it might mean losing him forever. 
The Eyes of Bast will be available at Totally Bound on the 27th of March. You can pre-order it now:
And since you can't get that book yet, I'll give you a chance to win a copy of Incognito, another one of my novels with a cat (named Heathcliff) who has a crucial role in the plot. Just leave a comment on this post - with your email, please, so I can find you if I draw your name! 
About Lisabet 
Cat lover. World traveler. Belly dancer. Computer geek. Lisabet Sarai loves variety, in her life and in her writing. Her nine novels and dozens of short stories include contemporary, historical, paranormal, science fiction, steam punk, gay, lesbian, ménage, kink, and pretty much every other genre you could name, aside from cowboys. She even, occasionally, tries her hand at humor, though she'd never dare attempt an Olivia Newton-John sing-off. Follow her blog Beyond Romance ( for all her latest news (including frequent giveaways). Check out her website Lisabet's Fantasy Factory ( for lots of free reading, excerpts from all her books, and more pictures of her cats.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Men in Black Edition Featuring Clare Dargin

Please wave a jaunty hello to author Clare Dargin, here to talk about her sci-fi romance, and her boner for a certain terribly-named British gent!

​1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears? 

Of course cats would win because eventually bears would have to hibernate during the winter and that's when the cats would pounce! Besides we know from the movie Cats and Dogs that cats have been plotting to take over the world for millennia. 

2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?​ 

Benedict Cumberbatch-- it would be a shocking diagnosis but well worth the exam!  

3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why? 

A fantasy creature? At first I was going to say a unicorn but I don't have the aspiration to care for a horse in real life (they are a lot of hard work to do it right!) so I know I really wouldn't do 'Glowbrite', that's what I'd name it, any justice. So I'd settle for a Ysalamiri instead. Why? Because I'm hoping the Jedi Council from the Old Republic would send someone to my house--preferably Obi Wan Kenobi a la Ewan MacGregor version, to find out why I'd have access a creature. Jedis and Ysalamiris don't mix. Me and Obi Wan could work out a deal. 

4. Are aliens among us? 

Sure there....that's why I'm waiting for my Jedi Knight. Oh do you mean non-human ones as in humanoid and non- humanoid alike? I hope not!  

5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet? 

Oh you mean they are disguised like the way Men In Black exposed them.... I'd find out where my nearest MIB outpost is and lodge a complaint. I'm not about a little framing too. You know for the sake of humanity. 

6. If you were a superheroine or -hero, what would your special power be?

Making Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan Noonien Singh fall in love with me and then ravish---. peace. Yes...I would create world peace.

[Editorial Note:  I'm a Ricardo Montalbán girl, myself.]

* * *

The Cold Warriors Universe by Clare Dargin

Left in cryogenic stasis for nearly a century, Caitlin Driskoll is awakened and drafted into a war she knows nothing about. Expected to defend a world where her kind is despised and expendable, she discovers love and respect from the one man who can’t be associated with her. 

Lieutenant Colonel Medoro Keegan has spent a lifetime in the Marines. With no family to speak of, the Corps and his ship, the USS Blanchard, are all the loved ones he needs...until Caitlin sparks a fire within, that threatens to consume him if he doesn’t walk away. 

Will he choose a life of certainty in the only world he knows or give it all to Caitlin and run the risk of losing someone, yet again?

Available on Amazon

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