Thursday, February 13, 2014

Book Giveaway for ONE DAY ONLY
Celebrate GALENTINE'S DAY with a free book or 25% off!

Here here here click here to win shit!
To hell with Valentine’s Day — celebrate GALENTINE’S DAY with a feminist, funny rom-com by moi.  Mandi @ Smexy Books says, “This author can crack me up like no one else.”  See?  You can’t lose!

Contest on Galentine’s Day only, Feb. 13th!

Monday, February 10, 2014

I'm Giving Away 3 Paper Copies of THE DIMPLE OF DOOM on Goodreads!

Naturally, I assume you already own four copies of THE DIMPLE OF DOOM, Greatest Book of Our Time (TM), but just in case you'd like to win a paperback copy, enter below! This contest is for the book sniffers, the page fondlers who don't enjoy electronic reading. Plus, fondling is fun. And I totally get it! I, for one, enjoy proudly reading my funny romance in public where all can enjoy.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dimple of Doom by Lucy Woodhull

The Dimple of Doom

by Lucy Woodhull

Giveaway ends March 11, 2014.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Everything Normal in Russia Extra Great Olympics Now.

There is definitely not any shower surveillance happening in Sochi at Olympics.

The strange black wire you see in toilet is of no mind.  It is…flushing apparatus.  Yes, flushing apparatus.  But do not touch.  NEVER TOUCH FLUSHING APPARATUS.

Unusual bug on wall is totally normal.  Is Russian decorate thing.  But is not actual bug like KGB.  Did I say KGB?  I mean American NSA.  See?  Other countries are shit, too.

If you hear voice coming from under mattress, is merely high-tech welcoming device to remind you of home.  Please obey all orders it suggest.  You can pretend it is nagging wife!  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  Is joke.

Is not really joke.  Obey voice.

You may have heard “In Soviet Russia, TV watches you!”  This is absolutely untrue.  TV does not work, no matter what clicking may be coming from behind it.  There is no click, and never has been a click.  Click does not mean watching.  If someone tell you opposite, please to report them to Olympic “Welcome” Committee.  Yes, we mean to use quotes.  Why?

Some guests may experience special visits in dead of night from hotel management.  They are merely check on your satisfaction.  Please show proof of passport to express satisfaction.  We may borrow passport so that you may be satisfied for an unspecified length of time.  You will definitely enjoy.  Definitely.

Welcome to Olympics!