Tuesday, April 15, 2014

My Writing Process Blog Hop

Howdy, loyal blog buddies!  I'm going to chat with you today about my writing process, in case you yourself wish to write nonsense that's full of sex and want to learn how this humble unicorn-lover does it.  Thanks to Nico Rosso for tagging me in this blog hop -- you can read about his process here.

What am I working on?

I'm working on secrit superheroine book.  (You should have read that to yourself in a very dramatic voice.)  It's probably going to end up being women's fiction in the vein of Sookie Stackhouse -- a series centered around one heroine with paranormal abilities.

My superheroine will not be sexily gadding about with her gravity-defying tits exposed while wearing leather short-shorts -- she's going to be a heroine that real ladies can actually relate to.  The book is shaping up to be one of my favorite things, which is me taking a standard story and spinning it on its head. Which brings me to...  

How does my work differ from others in this genre?

I'm actually now trying to acquire a romance agent (I have a separate agent for my non-romance humor work) for my paranormal Nerd at First Bite.  I've taken the trope of the ancient, sexy, rich, mopey, pasty vampire and created the opposite.  Frank, the hero of NaFB, is Black, his business is failing, he's only been a vamp for ten years, and he's an uber-nerd whose experience with women can be detailed thusly:

Yeah -- not good.  Personally, I think nerdy vamps will be the new, hot thing.  Er, I hope. I find that inverting tropes can make for some awesome humor, and I just love doing it.  Not that I don't love the tropes of my genre!  I adore romance (obvs), but I love being the class clown, too.  That's what makes me different.  I'm gonna bring the rom-com back, I tells ya!  

Why do I write what I do?

I'm a goofball.  I'm a weirdo.  And I love making people laugh, so I write romantic comedies.  I couldn't write some dark, stressy romance if I tried.  Sex and laughter -- is there a better combination than that?  My heroes and heroines tend to be losers who discover their best selves through love and adventure, and grow into their life's purpose without forgetting where they came from.  Samantha Lytton, the heroine of my Dimple book series, starts the first book in a very low place in her life.  Her job is dead-end, her bed is empty (save for cheeseburgers), and things seem grim.  I think we've all been there -- I sure as hell have.  I try to write real people who don't have their act together with a yacht on top, because I don't know anybody who has a yacht or the perfect life. BTW, if you have a yacht and the perfect life, can I be your friend?  I'll bring beer!  

How does my writing process work?

Butthole.  Yup, that's it.  

I think I'm in the minority of novel writers in that I do not plot.  Unless I have to.  I did have to write a synopsis for the second and third Dimple books for my publisher, but, in the end, the actual books differed from the original plans somewhat. 

I'm a pantser, in that I write by the seat of my pants.  I love sorta-knowing what's going to happen next, but maybe not how I'll get there.  My books are plot-based, fast-paced adventures with a hot romance thrown into the mix.  Generally, I get an idea for a character and start with her.  For my Ragnar and Juliet series, I saw a vision of a space bounty hunter heroine going after an innocent man, and then falling for him.  She proudly shops at Sluts-R-Us, and her hero is a gentle giant who works to convince her that love is the answer.  (I also adore reversing stereotypical gender roles.) 

Character, then situation, then adventure.  Then hott sexxoring aw yeaaaahhhhhhhhhh. 


So that's how I write my rom-coms.  It's not a pretty process, but it's a funny one, and that's all that matters. 

Tag, You're It 

Next up in the blog hop: The delightful Melissa Blue!  (Seriously, go check her stuff out!) 

Outside of writing contemporary romances, Melissa Blue works as a mail clerk for the federal government, has a paralegal certificate (that she has more use for as a dust pan) and is a mother of two rambunctious children. She lives in California where the wine is good and, despite popular belief, is not always sunny.  Her blog:  http://melthegreatest.blogspot.com/.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Romance, She Wrote

I’ve been visiting my parents in sunny Florida (sorry, everyone buried in a snow drift), and one of their favorite old shows to watch is Murder, She Wrote, a US TV series from the 80s/90s. It’s about a murder-mystery writer named Jessica Fletcher, portrayed by the inimitable Angela Lansbury. She solves mysteries that she happens to stumble upon in her real life, although personally I always thought she’d be a dangerous friend to have, as people were being whacked around her once a week.

For a fanciful moment, I imagined the TV character they’d make out of me and my romantic comedy writing. I’d travel from town to town jazzing up listless relationships, or giving a reason for a lonely heart to believe in love again. Or maybe I’d just have a collection of hot guys I’d give away to lonely gals (and boys).  Now that I write that, what a good business idea…  I’d bicycle around town like Jessica Fletcher spreading love and not murder, which I think is a good choice.

But that’s kind of what I do, right? I write about love, love that I believe in with my whole heart. Love that heals and bolsters and fulfills. Passion that wakes us up and gives us a reason to keep going, even in the tough times. And the greatest thing I can do is to make somebody laugh, for nothing revitalises the spirit like the joy that comes from laughter. When somebody writes a review and says I made them laugh, I feel like I’ve contributed something good to the world.

So maybe my story could be called Romance, She Wrote (which is admittedly loftier than Smut, She Wrote, although they are both accurate). Lots of folks say that romance as a genre is silly, vapid, poorly written. But I know that we lovers of romance inject delight into the world, and into the bedroom, rawr. And there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.

Now somebody give me a TV show!

Love, Lucy

PS:  I have a brand new newsletter!  Join the fun for excerpts, general nonsense, and that sexy, funny romance.

Friday, March 28, 2014

I Have a Newsletter Now, so Clicky and Whatnot

Yup, friends, I have finally joined 1998 and have gotten myself a newsletter.  I won't bug you too often, but I will send fun info and bad jokes, or bad info and fun jokes, all of which are awesome.  Basically, it'll be lies.  All lies.

Won't you join me?  McAvoy approves!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

THE WRATH OF DIMPLE, Sam and Samantha's Final Romp, Is Coming Your Way!

I have a cover! And now I shall reveal…THE WRATH OF DIMPLE, releasing on the Totally Bound site July 4th, everywhere August 4th!

THE WRATH OF DIMPLE, Book 3 in the Samantha Lytton Series.

Life is perfect for Samantha Lytton, big-screen superheroine. Her acting career flourishes, the bad guys from her past are in prison, and she’s married her true love, be-dimpled ex-thief Sam. Everything is so rosy and idyllic, it’s like a freaking princess movie. Well, an R-rated one. Nothing could mar Sam and Samantha’s fairy tale romance!

 Except the moment in the emergency room when Sam, his head cracked open, turns to his beloved wife and asks, “Who the hell are you?”

He’s suffering from…Samnesia! (At least he still laughs at Samantha’s stupid puns.) How on earth does that happen? If Samantha is going to live her very own soap opera, she’d choose an evil twin over amnesia any day.

With no idea who has attacked Sam or why, Samantha is left in the depths of despair with a hunk who doesn’t remember her, a creepy film director who’s getting more threatening by the minute, and, oh, the people who continue to try to murder Sam. How do you solve a mystery wrapped in a head bandage inside an empty skull? Nothing a little Norwegian fish porn and a lot of cleavage can’t fix. Hopefully.

Samantha needs every ounce of her courage to win her husband back before their enemies catch up to finish them both off. She thought their love was written in the stars, but it might be scribbled on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Ooooh, New Book Alert -- Rough Weather by Lisabet Sarai

Lisabet Sarai is a buddy author, so I'm sharing her new book, Rough Weather!  There's contest info at the bottom as well -- woot!  Below is the blurb, and you can read an excerpt here.

Destiny hides in the tempest’s heart...

Ondine has always felt at home in the sea. Orphaned at birth and raised by her grandmother on the island of Martha’s Vineyard, she has never really questioned her extraordinary affinity for the watery world. She concentrates on her work as a marine biologist, spends her weekends relaxing among the waves and worries about human threats to her beloved ocean environment. Fears of a deadly pregnancy like her mother’s make her cautious about sex.When she encounters an attractive but arrogant engineer on her private beach, surveying the site for a prospective off-shore wind farm, anger is her first reaction. A casual touch, however,transforms that emotion to incomprehensible, irresistible, terrifying lust.

Ebony-skinned Marut has his own talents—aside from his uncanny ability to swamp Ondine with desire. He can control the winds and summon storms. He informs Ondine that they share a supernatural heritage and claims she is his destined mate. She responds with scepticism and tries to resist the charismatic Haitian, but ultimately her scientist’s training won’t permit her to deny the evidence of her senses—and her heart. As a brutal northeaster batters the island and Marut’s life hangs in the balance, Ondine learns that true power lies in surrender to her elemental nature.

Reader Advisory: This book contains scenes of light bondage.

Buy Links:

Totally Bound:  https://www.totallybound.com/rough-weather

All Romance Ebooks:  https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-roughweather-1436928-149.html

Amazon US:  http://www.amazon.com/Rough-Weather-Lisabet-Sarai-ebook/dp/B00IPLDIK0/

Amazon UK:  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rough-Weather-Lisabet-Sarai-ebook/dp/B00IPLDIK0/

Contest!Win a copy of Rough Weather plus a copy of its sequel, Hot Spell, the book in which Ondine and Marut first made their appearance. To enter, send an email to contest [at] lisabetsarai[dot] com with the subject line “Rough Weather Giveaway”. Contest closes on March 31,2014.

* * *

For more information about Lisabet and her writing, visit her website (http://www.lisabetsarai.com) or her blog Beyond Romance (http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com). She also hangs out at the group blog Oh Get a Grip (http://ohgetagrip.blogspot.com), writes monthly reviews for Erotica Revealed (http://www.eroticarevealed.com) and contributes to the ERWA blog (http://erotica-readers.blogspot.com).

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Book Giveaway for ONE DAY ONLY
Celebrate GALENTINE'S DAY with a free book or 25% off!

Here here here click here to win shit!
To hell with Valentine’s Day — celebrate GALENTINE’S DAY with a feminist, funny rom-com by moi.  Mandi @ Smexy Books says, “This author can crack me up like no one else.”  See?  You can’t lose!

Contest on Galentine’s Day only, Feb. 13th!

Monday, February 10, 2014

I'm Giving Away 3 Paper Copies of THE DIMPLE OF DOOM on Goodreads!

Naturally, I assume you already own four copies of THE DIMPLE OF DOOM, Greatest Book of Our Time (TM), but just in case you'd like to win a paperback copy, enter below! This contest is for the book sniffers, the page fondlers who don't enjoy electronic reading. Plus, fondling is fun. And I totally get it! I, for one, enjoy proudly reading my funny romance in public where all can enjoy.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Dimple of Doom by Lucy Woodhull

The Dimple of Doom

by Lucy Woodhull

Giveaway ends March 11, 2014.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Everything Normal in Russia Extra Great Olympics Now.

There is definitely not any shower surveillance happening in Sochi at Olympics.

The strange black wire you see in toilet is of no mind.  It is…flushing apparatus.  Yes, flushing apparatus.  But do not touch.  NEVER TOUCH FLUSHING APPARATUS.

Unusual bug on wall is totally normal.  Is Russian decorate thing.  But is not actual bug like KGB.  Did I say KGB?  I mean American NSA.  See?  Other countries are shit, too.

If you hear voice coming from under mattress, is merely high-tech welcoming device to remind you of home.  Please obey all orders it suggest.  You can pretend it is nagging wife!  Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  Is joke.

Is not really joke.  Obey voice.

You may have heard “In Soviet Russia, TV watches you!”  This is absolutely untrue.  TV does not work, no matter what clicking may be coming from behind it.  There is no click, and never has been a click.  Click does not mean watching.  If someone tell you opposite, please to report them to Olympic “Welcome” Committee.  Yes, we mean to use quotes.  Why?

Some guests may experience special visits in dead of night from hotel management.  They are merely check on your satisfaction.  Please show proof of passport to express satisfaction.  We may borrow passport so that you may be satisfied for an unspecified length of time.  You will definitely enjoy.  Definitely.

Welcome to Olympics!

Sunday, December 22, 2013

It's Time for Dimple Part Deux!

Friends, I have a new book out!  The long-anticipated (at least by me) sequel to THE DIMPLE OF DOOM is out today!  It's called THE DIMPLE STRIKES BACK, and it's got more dimpling, more evildoers, more hot dudes, and more of Samantha Lytton being, well, herself, which is to say "more total fucking disasters."

To get to write a sequel to a book that's so close to my heart is an amazing thing, and I'm so very proud of this one.  My first review for The Dimple Strikes Back came via Goodreads, and it read thus:

Mandy, you've put a tear in my eye.  And I'm not joking -- I am that schmoopy.

Stay tuned here for giveaways and promo events!  However, you just HAD to buy it right now because it's the best book in the history of the printed page (and who am I to stop you?) here are some linkys.

Lucy — Website Goodreads Twitter Facebook

Book One:  THE DIMPLE OF DOOM — Available in print and digital from:  Totally Bound, Amazon, AllRomance.com, B&N, Sony / Excerpt here.

Book Two:  THE DIMPLE STRIKES BACK — Available in digital from:  Totally Bound , Amazon, AllRomance.com / Excerpt here.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, (had) a marvelous Chanukah, a delightful Kwanza, a fruitful Festivus, and/or a fantabulous pagan celebration of presents and fruitcake!


Thursday, December 19, 2013

Answers to Those Horrible Fucking Life Questions You Get During the Holidays

Yes, it’s that time of year again.  The time when Aunt Judgmental casually pries your heart out with a melon baller by asking a seemingly-innocuous question over the dinner table at Christmas.  Since you probably can’t tell her or Uncle Nosypants to go &^#@ themselves, here are some answers designed to confuse, dismay, and discourage follow-up discussion.

"Are you dating anyone?"

Real Answer:  Well, I am dodging dick pics from a real asshole I had coffee with once, but who thinks we’re engaged now.

Better Answer:  I am seeking my prince/princess, just as Disney taught me, so I’ve begun the paperwork to declare myself a constitutional monarchy like Monaco.  Once it goes through, I expect to be swimming in crowns and marriage contracts.  If you wish to send a delegation to the country of Me, I have some paperwork for you.

"How’s your job search going?"

Real Answer:  I’m wearing two mis-matched shoes I found in an alley — does that tell you anything?
Better Answer:  I’ve decided to become a superhero.  I even got myself a radioactive spider to speed things up!  It’s right h— oh, shit.  Um, have you seen a black and fluorescent spider anywhere?

"When are you having kids?! Tick tock LOLLLLL!"

Real Answer:  How about you get a fucking life instead of trying to live through my reproductive organs?

Better Answer:  I’ll furnish you with a bouncing baby as soon as I have the money.  By the way, can I borrow twenty thousand dollars?  You don’t have to answer now, I’ll just keep asking every time I see you, notice you’re on Facebook, fart in your general direction…

"When are you going to get a real job?”

Real Answer:  It seems as if I can already buy better taste than you, so I’m not sure what the problem is…

Better Answer:  I read that people who are [whatever the question-asker’s profession is] experience a high rate of sadness and personal dissatisfaction.  Why is that?

"Why are you still single?  Maybe you should lower your standards!"

Real Answer:  *With a pointed look to the question asker* I already have enough assholes in my life, thank you.

Better Answer:  You’re right.  I’ve been looking for another human who treats me with kindness and respect, but that seems to be out of the question.  The only thing that has wanted to cuddle with me in the last six months is my cat.  She is really cute, though…  Let me show you a picture — she’s totally coming on to me in this one, right?  I knew it!

"I thought you were losing weight?"

Real Answer:  I wanted to lose two hundred pounds, but it’s illegal to kill members of my family.

Better Answer:  I was, but it’s a quirk of my metabolism that I gain a pound every time someone asks me that question.