In the hot seat for my ridiculous quiz about Smurfs and whatnot is author Ella Laurance!
1. If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why?
I wouldn’t mind a brain capable of thinking up perfectly edited stories that I can upload to a computer from any place just by thought alone. Let’s be honest, most of the writing happens in your head anyway.
2. What Smurf would you be?
Story Smurf, what else? He smurfed his smurf and she was so smurfy about it that she slowly began to smurf his smurf too... See what I mean?
3. Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us?
Keep a few of us as pets for fun, and eat the rest.
3A. Follow up: What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence?
That’s easy. With two sciency sons, it should be possible to develop a perfume so horrible the aliens will think I am the one and only earthly incarnation of the Goddess of Godly Stink.
4. What's the best way to foil a ghost? A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet.
Simply ignore them, it makes them sit down in a corner and softly complain. Keep it up for a while (yes, even when the moans and groans get louder and some might even try to lure you into a never ending philosophical debate about the Definition of Reality, because ghosts don’t like to be ignored) but after a week or so they will leave and try somewhere else.
5. If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?
Since greatness all too often comes with a wide variety of ugly, nasty or generally unpleasant traits, I consider this too much work for one individual. So kindly assign one to me and I’ll do my bit for humanity.
6. Cake or pie? And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong?
As a Dutch person I can happily say: “Who cares? It’s all taart.”
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Ella Laurence writes about independent women who know what they want from a man and who are unapologetic about their sexual fantasies.
Wanton Women at Work, the complete collection, can be found here. Ella's blog: http://ellalaurance.wordpress.com/