Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
SMH at Saints Edition Featuring Jenna Byrnes


Please help me welcome author Jenna Byrnes who will save all of humanity with Candy Crush, as well as other assorted apps on her phone.



1. If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why? 

I would love to be able to transport from one place to another in the blink of an eye. I’m a lousy traveler and usually just barely on time for work, so that would be totally cool and helpful. 

2. What Smurf would you be? 

Since I can’t go a day without my computer, I guess Computy Smurf works for me. Or Candy Crush Smurf??? 

3. Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us? 

We will enslave them and attempt to treat them well because we are not animals, after all. 

3A. Follow up: What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence? 

Prove myself invaluable with great knowledge. They may not be aware that I possess a device, in my pocket, that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers. (Found that online, loved it. LOL) 

4. What's the best way to foil a ghost? A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet

Everyone knows cheap foil is not the same as Reynold’s Wrap so I suggest paying a little extra and going with the good stuff. I still laugh when I think about Joaquin Phoenix and his niece and nephew sitting in front of the TV with foil on their heads in the movie Signs. Mua ha ha!

5. If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?

Here’s one for you, in 1265 (now Saint) Thomas Aquinas argued that sodomy was second only to murder in the ranking of sins. Even though many men in history were known to be gay and it wasn’t any big deal, for instance Trajan (53-117 AD) who was gay and is remembered as a successful soldier-emperor who presided over the greatest military expansion in Roman history. Aquinas called Trajan a “virtuous pagan”. Puh-leese! 

6. Cake or pie? And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong? 

Cake, all the way. I make my own greeting cards for friends and one of my favorites says, I was going to make you a rum cake for your birthday, but now I’m drunk and it’s just a cake. 

Thanks for letting me be stupid with you, Lucy! Readers can find all my books on my website: http://www.jennabyrnes.com/ or keep up with me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorjennabyrnes 

My latest release is Peyton’s Pursuit, book two in the Kansas City Heat series from Totally Bound.


A home invasion leaves one man dead. Can the KCPD track down the killer before anyone else is murdered? 

Detective Nick Peyton lands a homicide case involving stolen property. He finds himself with the tedious task of visiting pawn shops, showing photos of jewelry and other missing items. When he meets store owner Rob Hewlett, Nick suddenly feels like this is the best job he’s ever had. 

Nick and Rob share an immediate attraction and act on it without much thought. With his mind on other things, Nick exchanges only the most basic information with the hot stud who has captivated his heart and soul. He soon comes to realize how little they know about each other and that, sometimes, secrets can be deadly. 

https://www.totallybound.com/peytons-pursuit 

Series blurb: Kansas City Heat by Jenna Byrnes 

Kansas City, the ‘Heart of America’ is home to great jazz music and world famous barbecue. The KCPD is the largest police department in Missouri, with a mission to protect life and property while reducing fear and disorder. Det James Dixon and his partners take their oaths to serve and protect very seriously. But sometimes it’s about more than just the job. And when things get hot in Kansas City, it’s not just the barbecue sauce talking.

See the full series here: https://www.totallybound.com/series/kansas-city-heat

Thursday, October 23, 2014

My Author-to-Reader Statement of Ethics


There have been a lot of horrific stories of author-on-reader hate lately. Google "badly behaving authors" and prepare to gasp. I'd like to make my intentions known, as an author, and explain how I feel about my amazing readers. I went on a bit of a rant recently on Twitter, and I stand behind it, so I'm publishing it here.  Er, sorry for the typos.  It was a rant, after all.

We, as authors, must do better than petty bullshit and ridiculousness. I'm not perfect, but damn, I appreciate each and every one of you, and I will try my darndest to be great for you in every way.

 




Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Aliens vs. Husband Edition Featuring Ylette Pearson


Author Ylette Pearson is in my hot seat this week answering my turgid questions while talking about bareback cowboys.  If you can't make three dirty jokes out of the last sentence, then you might not belong on a site of mine.



1. If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why? 

I could use another pair of hands. Being a lousy and slow typist, think of the possibilities if I wanted to increase my daily word count (and I desperately need to). Another pair of hands would also come in handy when attempting to try out the scenes I write in my novels—every writer has to do that, right?

2. What Smurf would you be? (You can't pick an existing one, like Brainy or Lazy.) 

I’m not saying that I grew up with the Smurfs and has long since forgotten their names, because I might reveal my age, so I’ll stick to a name they couldn’t possibly have. Lazy and Brainy fits like a glove, but alas, it’s forbidden to use them. Hmm, the most apt description of the blue Smurf I’d be must be Tangled Smurf. I’m always somewhat buried in a tangled mess of both my unmanageable hair and the little (and large) dumps the cosmic powers regularly drop on my doorstep. 

3. Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us? 

If they have enough intelligence to see this planet as an asset, I believe they will quickly realize humans are not a tasty treat. I also think they will mostly ignore us because with their superior intelligence they wouldn’t need someone as slow as humans to do their work. (They just have to glance at my typing speed to pity us.) 

3A. Follow up: What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence? 

I’d hide behind my husband who’d give them a run for their money and distract the attention away from my delectable body. Seriously though, who’d want to harm such a beautiful creature like me? 

4. What's the best way to foil a ghost? A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet. 

With a smart ghost, you don’t stand a chance. It’s best to invite them in and have them join in the fun that’s your life. In my case, they’d hightail it out of there soon enough as crazy women scare the hell out of all men—even ghosts. 

5. If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?

I’d have to say Shakespeare. The man is responsible for the most hours of sweating behind study guides in human history. 

6. Cake or pie? And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong? 

No contest—cake wins hands down. Nothing like a cup of strong, black and bitter homebrewed coffee and a juicy piece of chocolate cake to put a sugarcoating on your day. (If I had the extra pair of hands, I could still work on my novel while doing this.)



Her Bareback Cowboys by Ylette Pearson 

When riding bareback proves too much of a temptation to resist… 

When the Groundhog Saddle Company awards twenty-six-year-old freelance photographer and divorcee, Adrian Barlow the coveted assignment of advertising their saddles and other leather products, she jumps at the opportunity. Her bank account is in dire need of replenishing and her reputation as a photographer hangs by a shred over a bottomless abyss. Even when her employer informs her that her duties include playing babysitter for the two cowboys they hired for the job, she doesn’t complain. She needs the money too much to be fussy. 

Texan rodeo stars Wade Randall and Maverick Green agree to play fashion model for a couple of months because Wade needs the money to buy his own ranch in Texas and Maverick must rest his injured shoulder. However, nothing prepared them for the sight of Adrian when she collects them at the OR Tambo International Airport in South Africa. 

The attraction between the three is instantaneous and the sexual tension so thick it clogs up the interior of Adrian’s four-wheel-drive Toyota Land Cruiser, but none of them are in the market for a serious relationship. Adrian’s past sexual mistakes caused her financial misery and she has no desire for a repeat performance while the men’s plans for life exclude permanent partners for a long time to come. 

Isolated on a working farm in the Highveld of the Mpumalanga Province, Adrian is unable to resist the sexual pleasures the two cowboys promise. With the firm understanding that none of them wants a serious relationship, they embark on a journey of sexual discovery that melts the cold winter days.

However, when old acquaintances from Adrian’s past arrive, she learns that over-indulgence always comes at a price… 

Her Bareback Cowboys is available from Totally Bound, All Romance Ebooks, Amazon US and Amazon UK 

For more information about other books, upcoming events and advanced previews of new releases, visit me on my website at ylettepearson.com or join me on my Facebook author page or on Twitter at @ylettepearson.

Monday, October 20, 2014

You're a Loony, Miss Lucy




I'm sure many of you recognize one of the funniest scenes of all time--the Black Knight vs. King Arthur from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  The Black Knight engages King Arthur in a fight over a footpath, and Arthur swiftly divests the fellow of his arms and legs.  But through it all, the Black Knight refuses to give up.

"I'm invincible!" declares the Black Knight while hopping on one leg.

"You're a loony," replies King Arthur.

I watched this just yesterday and suddenly, it came to me.  I must have laughed with this scene a thousand times, as Monty Python is a major influence on me as a writer.  Hell, as a person.  But this time I finally got it:  I am the Black Knight.

I'm the girl who never says die. In the last two weeks, I had a cold, a major personal setback followed not one hour later by a horrible sciatica attack that put me in bed for a week, my car broke down to the tune of $1200, I received multiple rejections for multiple projects, and my cat barfed in my workout sneakers.  Not that I'm allowed use them at the moment, says my BFF the chiropractor.

I cried.  I railed at the unfeeling universe.  I popped muscle relaxers like it was my job.  But, in the end, you know what I did?  I hopped on my one remaining leg, picked up my laptop with my phantom arms, and started editing a book.  My superheroine book, to be precise.

The heroine of that book, who I beat over the head repeatedly with the plot twist bat, keeps going.  Maybe she shouldn't.  It's nuts that she keeps trying and working and smiling in the face of those who would laugh at her.  But she does.  And so do I.

Sometimes I think...Lucy, some of your ideas are too weird.  They're funny, but too weird!  JUST BE NORMAL.  But I'm the Black Knight, and none shall pass.  I am who I am.  And I will flail on the ground until I can flail no more, dammit.

I've really thought about this since I realized that I'm the Black Knight.  A loon is not the best patronus.  The Black Knight ultimately fails!  But that's only because King Arthur refuses to battle anymore, so I say ol' Knightey won the fight.

I've been told from a reader that my character Samantha Lytton inspires her.  She inspires me, too.  All my heroines do, because they're all loonys.  They keep going, they keep working and, ultimately, they get their happy endings.  Who knows?  Maybe the Black Knight met a lovely nurse and they lived happily ever after until the age of thirty, when most people in the middle ages croaked.

After all--he was invincible.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Sapphire Flogger Edition Featuring Suz deMello


Hello, blog friends, and a merry hump day to you!  Let's give a warm welcome to super nice author Suz deMello who is here to answer my nonsense and share her book, Kinky Toes!


1. If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why? 

I'd love the ability to predict the future. So useful! I could play the stock market and avert disaster--at the same time. 

2. What Smurf would you be? 

What's a smurf? (clicking computer keys wildly). Hmm. Okay, this is all right. Blue is my color--looks good with my eyes. So I'll be Sadistic Smurf, in a metallic blue corset, sapphire-spangled boots and floggers tipped with sapphire arrowheads. 

3. Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us?

Wow--you're obsessed by aliens. [Editorial note:  She says that like it's a bad thing...] They will study us from afar, then up close, though I doubt they will utilize anal probes. I think a number of us will end up on dissection tables. 

3A. Follow up: What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence? 

Because I will be able to predict the future, I will have already been locked up in an asylum by TPTB for my lunatic ravings about an alien invasion. The aliens will use those of us in the loony bin as free entertainment. 

4. What's the best way to foil a ghost? A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet. 

Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters! Presuming the ghostly visitation comes at night, I'll probably dismiss the vision as a fantasy, roll over and go back to sleep. I'm painfully practical. ​ 

5. If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?

Winston Churchill who, despite his leadership during WW2, was incredibly racist and anti-Semitic. [Editorial note part deux:  Ick, can I get in line for the slappin'?]

6. Cake or pie? And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong?​ 

LOL, loaded question here... Pie. Sorry, but there's a lot of boring, tasteless sawdust around masquerading as chocolate cake, which I love. So for consistency of experience, there's nothing like an excellent fruit pie, preferably made with fresh summer fruit. Fresh peach pie is the best!



KINKY TOES, contemporary erotic romance
Shelbie Nathanson resents Rick Saldano's ascension to C.O.O. of her family's shoe company, a job she's wanted all her life. But she can't resist his red-hot, sexy style of lovemaking...one that focuses on her passion: shoes.

http://www.ellorascave.com/kinky-toes.html

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Spoopy Halloween to You All!




WooooOOOOoooooOOOO it's that spoopy time of year!  It would not be Halloween without the Pumpkin Man.  If you've never witnessed the wonder that is dancing pumpkin man, well, then, here you go, friend.

YOU'RE WELCOME.


Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Adverbs are Cool Edition Featuring Morticia Knight





My fellow Totally Bound author Morticia Knight is here to kick off October's Stupid Questions in a most appropriate way, considering her name.

We all do, Morticia. We all do.

On to the interview--it's fabulous, darlings!

1. If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why?

My natural instinct is to go for the body part – but I’m concerned about what that might look like on an alien – so I suppose I’ll choose ability.

Let’s see, anal probing is tempting, but...I want to be able to mysteriously transport humans into my ominously quiet spaceship that magically appears out of nowhere to ruthlessly snatch innocents from their peacefully quiet existence. Not really. I just wanted to see how many adverbs I could use in one sentence.

[Editorial note:  We are very PRO-adverb here; welcome to one of us!]

2. What Smurf would you be? (You can't pick an existing one, like Brainy or Lazy.)

Dammit. Lazy would have been PERFECT. Okay, in that case, I’ll be Wealthy. No, that doesn’t work either, I can’t stop laughing. How about Sleepy? Oh wait, isn’t that a dwarf? I guess I’ll just have to settle for Hottie.

3. Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us?

Is this a sex question? If so...oh, never mind. Since with my luck I’d probably be first in line to become a Morticia casserole, I should probably plan now on how to make myself taste really gross. If anyone has access to any X Files, I’d really appreciate some information on what it is that aliens don’t like to eat, then I’ll roll around in it a lot.

3A. Follow up: What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence?

Oh boy, that’s a tough one. I still haven’t figured out how to do that while co-existing with my gaseous roommate. *peers over shoulder to make sure he’s not spying on me* Again, those X-Files would really be appreciated. I know most romance readers work for the government, so it would make perfect, logical sense that one of you has some secret alien knowledge. I’ll pay you in e-books. And chocolate.

4. What's the best way to foil a ghost? A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet.

I’ve always found that pointing over their shoulders and yelling “What’s that?” before running like hell works every time. They’re super gullible. That’s why when you pull the covers over your head they go away because they can’t see you.

5. If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?

Shakespeare. Because of him, I had to sit through an entire semester dissecting why Macbeth did this and Macduff did that. Bla bla bla. I had teenage boys to chase and all those critical essays really cramped my style.

6. Cake or pie? And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong?​

And why can’t I pick both? Usually its cake one day then pie the next – alternating every Sunday. Unless it’s a special occasion (such as returning my books to the library) then I celebrate by having both in the same day.




ALL FIRED UP by Morticia Knight


Officer Shawn Everly patrols the Strip and one night, fireman Trent Marshall saves him when danger strikes. But it’s still uncertain whether Trent can save himself from getting his heart broken by Shawn.

The party never ends on the Las Vegas strip but neither does the danger. Officer Everly is new to the beat, having recently relocated to Vegas from Los Angeles. Foot patrol on the Strip is a demanding assignment because he’s up close and personal with the public. But what he’d really like to do is get up close and personal with Station 32’s hunky fireman, Trent Marshall.

Trent has been a fireman for over ten years and is dedicated to his job. He’s built tough and is a no- nonsense man of few words. At a local blood drive, Trent meets the handsome new officer on foot patrol but won’t let himself get too close. He’s lost love before when his policeman lover was killed in the line of fire.

During an emergency, Trent’s over-protective instincts kick in when he believes Shawn is in harm’s way. He ends up embarrassing and angering Shawn in front of their fellow officers, which seems as though it will end any hope of Trent having a chance with the young man he can’t push from his mind. Shawn can’t decide whether he wants to punch or kiss Trent. Kissing wins. Once they spend some time together away from the stresses of their jobs, they find that they’re not just compatible—they’re combustible.

But Trent can’t seem to accept that there are hazards that come with working in law enforcement. Right as they’re discovering how much they mean to one another, the danger escalates on the Strip. The underground vigilante group, The Citizens Against Immorality, have raised the stakes. Will Shawn and Trent be their next targets? 

Available now at Totally Bound and everywhere October 3rd: https://www.totallybound.com/all-fired-up

Thursday, September 25, 2014

An Essay About Grief, Rejection, and Jock Strap Island


I've had some tough stuff go down in the last couple of years.  Major family illnesses, friends in a world of trouble and hurt, and some personal things that I'm not really ready to talk about too much, but that rhyme with "zinfertility."*

Some days it's nigh impossible to get out of bed. When so much trauma comes at you all at once, it can start to feel like nothing good will ever happen again. You just duck your head and pray for NOT BAD things, because believing in GOOD things seems, well, stupid. You see people succeeding all around you, their dreams coming true, their careers on a wondrous upward trajectory...but you just try to not step in the shit pile every day.  Well, the big shit piles. The small ones you shrug at.


Yesterday I experienced that thing that happens to all writers: rejection. Of something I was really excited about. It happens, especially when you're like me and writing some pretty unusual stuff for the genre you're in. And I can handle it, I can. Hell, I got rejected the morning after we found out we'd never have a baby. That one stung. It was kind of a mean note, too--insulting--but on that day, I remember thinking, Yeah, I got punched pretty hard yesterday. Try harder, editor--at least call me ugly or something!

Real grief can give you perspective. For sure, a rejection letter is nothing compared to hearing your mom has breast cancer (Which happened to me in the middle of trips to the zinfertility doctor. Fun!) But a rejection can compound what you're already going through, especially when writing is your one salvation, your last vestige of sanity-saving.

The more time that passes, the more I start to climb through the stages of grief, and the easier the little pitfalls get. But I still find it almost impossible to believe that good things can happen out of the blue, as opposed to horrid ones. Believing positively seems like an exercise in futility. And I'm a positive person! My level of self-delusion is high, folks, but it's taken some hard knocks in the last two years.

Something occurred to me yesterday, and it's the reason for this piece. Yes, I'm finally getting to the point, huzzah! I realized this: optimism is one of the bravest things a person can feel. Optimism says Hey, even though I'm buried in a pile of dirty jock straps and the way out is being guarded by a Dementor, I still believe that I will escape from Jock Strap Island and that all will be well.

Do you know how freaking difficult that is?  To keep going after being kicked in the face over and over and over again?  To lift yourself up and take to the computer again, to think to yourself Well, 643287642 bad things have happened, but I bet thing 643287643 will be great!  My grief tells me that all is terrible.  Hell, my PMS tells me that all is terrible.  But there's one, tiny corner of my brain that whispers...Keep going.  Things have to improve sooner or later.  It's been "later" for years now, but better is coming!

I'm not trying to be too "woe is me."  There is always worse in the world--always.  And I wrote a three-book series in the midst of my worst grief.  (Badass, party of one!)  But I do want to tell everyone out there that hope is a brave word.  A brave, brave, brave word.  Optimism is easy when everything you touch is gold.  It's a defiant act of aggression when everything you touch is rust--an act you should feel damn proud of.  That's not to say that when you or I feel hopeless we're doing something wrong.  At times, there's nothing else to do but sob and scream and beat up your couch pillows.  But if you can lift your face to the sun, even for one second, I'm proud of you.  I know how much that belief in good things costs you.  "Just cheer up!" "Just relax!" they parrot at you.  They have no idea, but I do.

You're amazing, and so am I.

So I wrote 3000 words yesterday after my rejection.  Emily Dickinson said that hope is a thing with feathers.  But hope is also a warrior woman in steel armor covered in the blood of her metaphorical enemies who picks herself off the battlefield and keeps on fighting.

*I'll say this as kindly as possible: I'm not looking for advice or uplifting stories or "have you tried...?" regarding our zinfertility. Also, yes, we've heard of that thing called zadoption, so we're good on that score. Thanks for your understanding.

The Dimple of Doom Featured in Chat Magazine!


Wowee, look!  The Dimple of Doom is offered in this week's Chat Magazine as a promo giveaway!  

Chat is a UK mag, for those of us in the US who may not be in the know.  I feel so fancy now.  Surely my boring life will soon give way to yachting expeditions with J.K. Rowling and the ghost of Ernest Hemingway!  

Ugh, maybe not him.  The ghost of Mary Shelley instead.


Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Horny Ghosts > Zombies Edition Featuring Lisabet Sarai
(& a Giveaway!)


I'm so happy to have lively author Lisabet Sarai here to answer my hard-hitting questions about acid-farting aliens.  Take it away, Lisabet!


1. If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why?

I’d opt for a long, prehensile tongue. Just think how convenient it would be to be able to lick the very last vestiges of Martian Melon ice cream out of the corners of the container. And then I could use the tongue to clean off any unsightly residue clinging to my cheeks. (I’ve always envied my cats that ability.)

The tongue would likely be studded with highly sensitive receptors for temperature, humidity, pheromones, and other assorted organic molecules - rather like a snake’s. This would enable me to intuit the mental states of people around me. 

 

Actually, I considered requesting telepathy as my desired alien ability, but I decided that could get messy. Probably I’d be totally disgusted if I knew what most people are thinking. The tongue, in contrast, would give me more general information, responding mostly to those chemical signals that reveal emotion or arousal. Just imagine, no more wondering: “Does he really fancy me, or is he just buttering me up because I’m his boss?” And no, the sexual advantages of this hypothetical alien tongue have nothing to do with my choice. How could you suggest such a thing?

2. What Smurf would you be?

There’s more than one Smurf? Sorry, but I’m barely aware of what a Smurf is. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit my cultural illiteracy, but I grew up in the original troll era. Now, if I were a troll, I’d have purple hair. 



(I’m well aware that I could have purple hair now, if I desired, but I don’t think the effect would be the same.)

So, I surmise, based on this question, that there are multiple Smurf characters who are named based on their personality attributes. (No, I am not going to go to Google and research this issue. That would be against the rules.) Under those constraints, I’d probably be Goody-Goody. Though you might not guess this from my avocation as an author of seriously spicy fiction, I’ve always tried to follow the rules and win the approbation of those in authority. And when I don’t – well, I just don’t advertise the fact.

Hey, it works for me.

3. Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us?

Actually, I think it’s likely they’ll ignore us – sort of the way we ignore mold, algae and worms most of the time. Any creatures bright enough to make it to our planet would have no need for wimpy creatures like us as their slaves.

Unless, of course, you’re talking about sex slaves. There are always possibilities in that plot line.

Especially if they have prehensile tongues. 

3A. Follow up: What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence?

Well, if they actually did want to eat me, I’d point out the research that suggests vegetarians taste better than meat eaters. I have an unfortunate weakness for pork chops and roast lamb. If that didn’t send them running off in the direction of the closest hippie commune, I’d whip out my tongue and try to distract them.

4. What's the best way to foil a ghost? A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet?

This question is not sufficiently well-specified. What is this smart ghost trying to do to me? What are his motives? What tragic events in his past have led to him hanging around the material plane in the first place? As an author, I know you’ve got to understand the conflicts between characters before you can imagine a way to resolve them.

Actually, I’ve got a soft spot for ghosts. The first romance I wrote, back when I was in high school, featured a mansion overlooking the ocean, haunted by the shade of a sea captain who’d owned the place a century before. Of course he falls in love with the current tenant, and vice versa. This was long before the movie Ghost.

I find the notion of seducing a specter – or the opposite – more appealing than scary. So I probably wouldn’t try to foil him at all. Especially not if he was as intelligent as you claim. For me, brains are the ultimate turn-on. (We’re talking ghosts here, not zombies. Don’t get me started on zombies... I hate zombies.)

Think about it. An incorporeal boyfriend would be pretty low maintenance. No dirty socks. No problems with leaving the toilet seat up.

5. If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?

I’m not really a “slap the shit outta someone” sort of girl. However, I’d be tempted with Margaret Thatcher. Her lack of compassion was simply appalling. It’s really hard to find a way to be funny about her.

6. Cake or pie? And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong?

Pie, hands down. Much better for throwing in the face of people whom you’d really rather slap the shit out of, if you’re too goody-goody to attempt real violence.


And if I got hit with a pie myself, I could easily use the tongue to clean myself off.





The Ingredients of Bliss 

One sexy French chef. One kinky American TV producer. One ambitious Chinese gal who thinks she wants them both. The ingredients of bliss? Or a recipe for disaster? 

Accomplished cook Mei Lee “Emily” Wong knows exactly what she wants - her own show on the Tastes of France food channel. But life is full of complications. First, her deceptively nerdy producer, Harry Sanborne, initiates Emily into the delights of submission. Then her boss, legendary chef Etienne Duvalier, begs her to dominate him. Emily just can’t resist - especially when Harry orders her to explore her inner mistress. Suave and sexy Etienne will do whatever she asks - in the bedroom if not in the kitchen. And Harry, her lovingly diabolical Dom, adores pushing Emily’s limits.

When the network sends the trio to France to shoot a series of cooking shows on location, Emily knows her career is on the upswing. Her plans fall apart in Marseille as a Hong Kong crime syndicate kidnaps both Etienne and Harry. The Iron Hammer Triad mistakes Etienne for notorious gangster Jean Le Requin, who has stolen their drug shipment, worth millions. Emily realizes she must find the real Le Requin, retrieve the purloined dope, and bargain it for Harry’s and Etienne’s lives. The secret she’s been keeping from Harry might prove useful. Still, what chance does one woman whose knife skills are limited to chopping vegetables have against the ruthless cruelty of two criminal organizations?

Get your copy of The Ingredients of Bliss today:

Totally BoundAll Romance eBooks, Amazon US, Amazon UK

For more about me, follow my blog Beyond Romance (http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com). Visit my website (http://www.lisabetsarai.com) for a full list of my books, covers and excerpts, and lots of free stories.

GIVEAWAY!

I'm not nearly as funny as my hostess. However, if you'd like the chance to sample some of my more humorous work, leave a comment with your email below. I'll randomly drawn one name and give her (or him) a copy of Her Secret Ingredient, the prequel to The Ingredients of Bliss.