Welcome to author Frank Talaber, here to answer my inane questions!
1. Who would win in a war between cats and bears?
Well, the cats. That's if they feel like a war, as long as it doesn't intrude on their main snooze times and it was obviously on their terms.
2. Would you rather get a diagnosis of Benedict Cumberbatch or Engelbert Humperdinck?
Both have great and unusual last names. I'd go with Humperdinck. With a name like that, he must have been a hit at parties.
3. If you could have any fantasy creature for a pet, what would it be and why?
Flying dragon. Could zip to all those great places I've wanted to see, like the Pyramids of Giza and when you get there don't have to worry about parking. Because everyone would clear out in a heartbeat or he'd incinerate them.
4. Are aliens among us?
You need to ask, have you not seen any Walmartians? They can't be human. Can they?
4A. Since there are aliens among us, what would you name a romance about them?
Bridges of Pluto-ian County. Only one can cross at a time.
5. Speaking of horrible aliens, how would you help Justin Bieber off the planet?
Fill a spaceship with his adoring admirers and tell him they want to take him to a world where he is worshiped as a god. And once he's gone, tell him sorry, the translation wasn't correct. It was eaten as a God.
* * *
"The first time I saw you, was the second time I loved you," wrote Brook Grant in his diary. One problem, the reporter investigates the cutting down of the Golden Spruce only to find out that the legend is true. The ancient native prince trapped inside has been released and so has Raven. Yes, apparently, The Raven.
So when a native God steals away your heart and soul, how do you get her back? Well, you hire a shaman who is more whacked than a hockey player's slap shot and nuttier than a squirrel's winter stash.
"Yeah, this is going to work, I'll get my lady back and we'll live happily ever after," Brook added to his diary after banging his head several times.