It's gonna be sexy and fun and amazing!
And it's gonna sell a billion copies!
So you get out that laptop and let your imagination run wild:
The first chapter is so amazing you're pretty sure you're the sexy JK Rowling. JK Sexing.
But then you figure out that writing sexy scenes is hard. Even when you come up with great puns like "hard."
And for fuck's sake, do all the plot lines need to go somewhere? Even that stupid one you started in chapter seven?
WHY IS THE HERO BEING A DICK? THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
Not even his amazing butt can make up for it.
Shit, did I give the heroine four hands in this sex scene?
JUST BE DONE ALREADY. NO MORE HUMPING, THEY'RE GONNA GET DEHYDRATED.
I'll give that heroine a song about her. Heroines love songs about them!
Make sure the hero learns to love his softer side...
And throw a happy ending on that shit!
And after only eleventy billion hours of work, you, too can be a romance novelist.
Now you just have to sell it.