Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm Up in Short Arms!

As of late, I've noticed a lot of short heroines in romance novels. It's about time that Hobbits got their own romances, and were not just shoved to the side as amusing, hairy-footed, ring-carrying sidekicks. This phenomenon is accurate, for did you know that there are diminutive ladies in real life? It's true! When my personal romance novel is written (which I have titled PASSION'S UNEXPECTED BELCH), it will star me as a 5'1" batty redhead with a heart of gold (and stomach of gas), and my husband as a 5'11" geek who lives to tickle her feet even though she kicks a lot.

But the covers, faithful readers! THE COVERS!?

Why do romance novel covers always feature an Amazon woman?

The hero must be six feet tall (like, duh. There are no shorter men in real life, unless they are villains or comical persons), so if you judge the heroine's height on the cover, you do it against the hero. And she's always only about two inches shorter than he is. TRAVESTY! FRAUD! ATTICA! ATTICA!

If they made a cover for PASSION'S UNEXPECTED BELCH, I would be played by Heidi Klum. She's nice and all (for a supermodel), but short people are people, too!

Hath not a shorty (small) hands, (miniature) organs, (scanty) dimensions; fed with the same food (well, maybe less of it) as a tall person is? If you tickle us (especially our freakishly small feets), do we not laugh?

I know that most romance covers do not match the characters' appearances, but replacing the short girl with a tall one feels like an insult. Sniff. It matters more than her hair color. It just does.

I've made my own cover for PASSION'S UNEXPECTED BELCH, so that The Man can't ruin it. Can you believe I did all my own art?

So there.


  1. Fabio's all, Dang! How much garlic was in that scampi, anyway??

  2. Will there be a sequel? "Love's Bountiful Poot" perhaps? I'm short. May I be on the cover?

  3. I feel you on the short thing. Five four here. Luckily I make up for it by writing about a male dystopian dysfunctional military badass who is just as short as I am.

    You've got to admit, when you're short and you've got a serial killer after your or something, it's a LOT easier to find places to hide.

    And you don't hit your head on chandeliers as often.

    So at least that's something?

  4. Kelly, hahahahahaa! Your hero sounds amazing!