Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Pie Is for Suckers! Edition Featuring Diane Dooley

I am so delighted to have the wonderful and talented Diane Dooley here on the blog!  I adored her witty and hot book Mako's Bounty. She's here to answer some truly stupid questions and tell us about her latest, Zipless.  Just look at her--she is adorable and wishes us to live long and prosper!

On to the interview!

1.  If you could have one otherworldly, alien ability or body part, what would it be and why?
I would love to have a few more hands and maybe an extra head or two. Imagine the scene: two hands and one head hard at work, writing a novel of such brilliance that publishers line up, begging for the chance to publish it. Meanwhile, another hand wields a badminton racket which which I swat my kids whenever they stop doing chores or their homework. Another head will nod and smile and say “yes, dear, you are awesome” to my husband. Results? Best-selling novel, spotless house, literate children, happy husband. Hmm. I may need one more hand to deliver regular doses of caffeine to my body.    
2.  Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us?
They will do both. First they’ll feed us all kind of delicious morsels like haggis, blood sausage, chitlins,  and *cringe* peanut butter to make our flesh succulent and delicious to them. When we’re rolling around in our own lard (and probably vomit) they will devour us.
2A.  Follow up:  What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence?
I’m gonna hide behind you, Lucy, while you impress them and work on the acid flatulence problem. You can do it, Woodhull! I believe in you. Then, when they’re gazing at you either adoringly or malevolently or hungrily (I’m not picky which) I’m going to make my getaway. No way I’m eating peanut butter!

[Editorial note: I do not think your plan to hide behind me is wise for my personal health, despite your flowery flattery...]
3.  What's the best way to foil a ghost?  A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet.
Kill yourself. Seriously. Ghosts ain’t gonna bother tormenting another dead person. Being dead takes all the fun out of it for them.
4.  If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why?  (Not Hitler or similar.)
Yeah, I’m gonna slap the shit out of Margaret Sanger. As much as I admire and respect the work she did to promote and legalize birth control, her views on eugenics were as ignorant as they were abhorrent. Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap.

[Editorial note: Excellent choice!]  
5.  Cake or pie?  And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong?
Cake. Cake. Not pie. Cake. Specifically, the cake my husband bakes from scratch for my birthday every year: chocolate cake, homemade chocolate cream frosting, adorned and layered with fresh strawberries. You can taste the love and devotion in every bite (and it tastes damn good, just so you know). Pie is for suckers!
* * *
Diane Dooley writes science fiction, romance, and horror because she is a very confused writer who is too stupid to brand herself properly. She also writes in a variety of lengths: short stories, novellas, etc. Again, she’s not too bright. Her latest release is ZIPLESS, in which Scottish people invade New York City in search of a recording contract. They drink, swear and have sex along the way. You should buy this book immediately. 
Review Requests: Contact Me     To-Read List: Goodreads

Blurb for ZIPLESS:
Rocking, rolling and romancing in New York City — Scottish style!
Unable to perform due to paralyzing anxiety, singer-songwriter Lou Marzaroli has been managing her brother’s band for years, driving them out of Scotland and into the big time. But days before their American network debut, the band is imploding and Lou is relieving her stress in a no-strings-attached sexual encounter with an aging scenester she’s nicknamed Zippy.
The Zipman is sometimes remembered as Crash Burns, formerly of seminal L.A. glampunk band, Snakebite. It’s been years since he’d trashed the eyeliner and hairspray, and he hasn’t written a song since. Now he’s penning lyrics about the mysterious woman he last saw sprinting barefoot in a miniskirt down West Twenty Third. She’s the muse he’s been longing for, and he’s determined to be more than her one night stand.
When the head honchos learn Lou wrote the band’s material, they agree to give her the TV spot, sending her to be coached by their performance guru, Crash Burns. Now Lou must put herself in Zippy’s hands as he coaxes a life-changing performance from her. And the man who used to perform in nothing but a leather thong must find ways to get her confident on stage- and content in only one bed.

If you're an author who'd like to answer my stupid questions, click my contact link!


  1. That's our Do. What's for dinner? Vomit encrusted human. Stewpid! :D

    1. Could be worse, Voy. Could be peanut butter encrusted human :)