Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Stupid Questions with Lucy:
Seekrit Tentacle Edition Featuring Jody Wallace



I'm back with some all new answers to my moronic questions, and here to take the bait is one of my favorite funny Twitter buddies, Jody Wallace! She's an amazeballs author, so read on, my lovelies~

1.  If you could have one otherworldly alien ability or body part, what would it be and why? 

HEALING. If I have to do my healing via a seekrit tentacle, I completely understand, so long as it doesn't ruin the elegant drape of my T-shirts and yoga pants. 

2.  What Smurf would you be? 

Snarky the Smurf. My smurfy characteristic would be mouthing off at all the wrong times, like when we're trying to be quiet because Azrael is searching for us in a cave, and of course I just HAVE to comment that Azrael is a sad excuse for a cat if there ever was one. 

3.  Do you think the aliens who inevitably enslave the human race will treat us well or eat us? 

They'll just eradicate us and let the planet start over. Human meat is probably very impure, unhealthy and filled with toxins that would make the hardiest carnivorous alien gassy.  

3A.  Follow up:  What will you do to distinguish yourself to our benevolent overlords so that they don't destroy you with their acid flatulence? 

Acid flatulence, huh? THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR EATING HUMANS, YOU STUPID SPAWN OF A.... GAK!

Yeah, I suspect I'm a goner. They'll fart me down in no time. 

4.  What's the best way to foil a ghost?  A smart one, not one of those dumbasses in a sheet. 

First you need to prepare a ghost trap. Traditionally this would involve a marijuana-addicted teenage layabout and his loveable, talking Great Dane as bait and some kind of large, suspended net hidden against the ceiling that will be triggered when the ghost reaches the center of the room. However, I don't, at current, know any marijuana-addicted teenage layabouts or talking Great Danes, so I'm thinking my best bet is to burn down the house that the ghost is haunting, much like one would do if one discovered brown recluse spiders residing in the walls.

5.  If you could slap the shit outta one beloved historical figure, who would it be and why? 

George Washington, because I want to see those wooden teeth fly out of his mouth and start viciously chomping after his enemies! Comedy gold.

6.  Cake or pie?  And, if you said pie, why are you so happy to be wrong?​​ 

Cake with no icing. Unless we're talking caramel pie with whipped cream, chocolate graham cracker crust, and mini chocolate morsels. Then I have a tough decision on my hands. Eat the cake? Or eat the caramel pie and be wrong? Best case scenario, I point out the window and yell, "LOOK, A GHOST!" and everyone looks and I quickly smush the cake and pie together and invent dessert nirvana, which also means I don't have to choose between them. 

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Here's the blurb of Jody's latest, ANGELI:





He’s no angel…

Gregori’s last mission is to save Earth from the demons threatening to take control. He doesn’t care if he survives as long as he averts the impending apocalypse—until he meets Adelita, a human refugee, whose spirit and determination give him a renewed reason to fight. And live. He’s falling for her, despite the fact he’s told her nothing but lies and there can’t possibly be a future for them.

Adelita can hardly believe the archangel Gregori, sent to save mankind, has lost his faith and his edge. After he saves her from a demon attack, she vows to help him recover both by any means necessary. But can she keep her own faith when she learns the truth about who and what Gregori really is?



Jody Wallace
Author, Cat Person, Amigurumist of the Apocalypse
  
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If you're an author who'd like to answer my stupid questions, click my contact link!

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